Problem Solved: Space to Breathe.

I’m walking next to you and I’m talking loudly. I am so close that you feel the heat of my words on your skin. My right shoulder is pressed into yours and I have hold of your face. There’s a stick in my other hand. I am not walking evenly, one stride longer than the other because my body is slightly twisted. I am leaning toward your ear and you bend your neck away, but for every ounce of pressure from you, I answer with just one ounce more. We’re both moving at a stumbling walk. Sometimes my knee hits your forearm or trips over your hoof. I am sideways-leading, but you can’t move freely, clipping your steps to avoid my feet. I pull you to a stop. I pull hard enough that you must rebalance. Then you withdraw inside yourself even more, you partly close your eyes as I peer at you. You hate this, even if you like me.

You know that I don’t trust you. I worry you’ll do something bad. I try to correct any possible problem before it happens. Then I put my hand around the soft bone in your nose and pressure your muzzle to me. I wipe your hair out of your eyes and kiss your face and call you my partner because I want it to look like we are connected. I want it to be true.

You can’t breathe. You have a choice, but you don’t have a choice. You can either pretend this doesn’t bother you, press your lips tight with a brittle shell of tolerance and act meek about it. Or you can blow up. If you do that, I might punish you. But this is already punishment.

Or…

Without repeating or correcting, I will offer you the gift of space when you are reluctant in your task. I take a couple of steps away because you aren’t saying no, just that you need some breathing room to think. I give you time to answer because I respect your intellect as I respect my own.

I let you take me for a walk. You take me somewhere else. We each hold ourselves in balance, confident in our strength and autonomy. Gentle in our asking, yet quick to release the other. We move with synergy more than energy. Our footfalls soon match in a natural rhythm, but we don’t need to notice. On your back, my legs follow the sway of your ribs, my spine flexing with yours. With utter freedom, we choose to be together like murmuring starlings leaving a warm breeze in our wake. We breathe in the other’s acceptance until our lungs lift our hearts.

Giving you space* is an act of trust. I give you control over yourself and instead focus on my own awareness. I offer trust as generously as I welcome yours. We live by the law of reciprocity.

Let clean space between us slow down our communication and allow willingness to replace pressure. Leave the thoughts to rest in our heads and let the conversation be physically experienced. Eloquent body language, passed with easy intention through a sea of air to the other, because our real connection is best shown at a distance.

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*literal definition of space is at least three to six feet from the horse’s head, either wide from their side or back toward their flank.

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Anna Blake, Relaxed & Forward

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