Attacks from Within
There are still people who do not believe that spiritual abuse exists. They see the multitude of podcasts, the thousands of social media posts and tweets, and make note of yet another novel coming out dealing with the subject and they continue to hold onto the belief none of it is true. We’re making the whole thing up. We have it out for pastors and churches and Christians. The church is under attack.
Well, that last bit is true. The true body of Christ — the church — IS under attack, but not from the outside.
Despite the common assertion that the church is made of PEOPLE, not buildings, too many church leaders treat their organizations as businesses — poorly run abusive businesses. If you’re looking for red flags, listen to how the pastor speaks of himself. If at any time he describes himself as a CEO, don’t wait for the benediction to leave. If someone on the leadership team (deacon, teacher, usher) uses words like “jefe,” “king,” or “boss” in reference to the pastor, give yourself permission to walk away.
This week, I was doing my novelist thing and lurking on social media. I follow several people and organizations that openly discuss personal experiences with spiritual abuse. One group was reminiscing about their college’s “powder room.” This wasn’t something from my experience, so I read the comments to get a full, and frankly disgusting, picture.
The powder room was a part of the bathroom where college girls could take a quick nap between working on the bus route and the morning service. To understand why these college girls would be willing to lay down on the floor and take a less-than-thirty-minute nap (any more than that, and they would get demerits), I kept reading.
The college students were compelled to spend their Saturdays (when they had no classes, yet were forced to “volunteer” to work for the church that ran the Bible college) canvassing the neighborhoods of a city an hour away in an attempt to fill the church busses the next day. Early on Sunday morning, students were given a to-go breakfast and sent back to the city to pick up everyone who promised they’d attend. By the time the college kids got back to the church, they were tired and hungry, but they could only fix one of those problems. They could eat a quick snack before church, or they could nap. The exhaustion usually won and young women, fully dressed for church, willingly laid down on the floor in a room adjacent to the bathroom in the hopes of getting a quick nap. As a result of the college’s/church’s practice, some of the women in the comments revealed that they’d been hospitalized for malnutrition and exhaustion — and were mocked for it.
Very young adults were paying money to take college classes, but it wasn’t enough. Under the label of “ministry training” they were forced to participate in a church ministry designed specifically to drive up attendance numbers. They found themselves overworked, neglected, and ridiculed.
THAT is an attack on the church.
On another day, I read that a major denominational convention that refused to “disfellowship” “independent congregations” within its organization when it came to sexual assault and abuse “disfellowshipped” (kicked out) one of the churches in its denomination for naming a woman to its pastoral team. The denomination leaders made it clear: sexual abuse against women and children was acceptable, but a woman teaching Scripture was not.
That denomination’s secret database of abusers was one of the inspirations for Book 5 of The Rose Collection: Wise and Mighty, so I follow its stories closely.
Wise and Mighty (The Rose Collection Book 5)
The news that simply naming a woman as a teaching pastor was enough for the denomination to kick out the church was shocking. The database is 205 pages long and holds hundreds of entries of abuse by church pastors and officials, yet the executive committee of the denomination dragged their heels when it came to removing abusers and did not threaten to “disfellowship” their churches as a way to protect the other under their denomination’s name.
But naming a woman as a teaching pastor? That called for a serious investigation and removal.
Christ’s Great Commission is not gender specific, yet the women in today’s churches are treated like second-class citizens with no ability to share the gospel with or lead anyone other than small children or other women — but even then, she cannot go by the title of pastor.
The denomination made it clear that it sees spiritual abuse (in the form of sexual assault and child sexual assault) as less important than keeping the women in their churches in powerless positions.
THAT is an attack on the church.
The “plaid pastor” made the news after sharing a story about how a woman approached him in a restaurant, saying, “And she was perfect. Physically beautiful. Everything was in the right place.” Maybe there are still guys out there who think that because they sound like they are “complimenting” a woman by creepily discussing her perfect body from a church stage, women shouldn’t be offended or feel uncomfortable. Well, those guys would be wrong.
But the “plaid pastor” didn’t stop there. He then claimed that this woman who approached him — while he was sitting with his friend — propositioned him, even clarifying that she didn’t care if he was married, at which point every woman watching collectively rolled their eyes and muttered, “yeah, I’m sure that’s exactly what happened.” He finished the story by talking through his decision to do the bare minimum of remaining faithful to his wife and claiming that the woman who really totally hit on him in front of his friend in a restaurant (it must be true, it was in a sermon) actually hated him, his wife, his future children, his in-laws, and his parents. “For just a few minutes of ecstasy, she wants to take my life and burn it to the ground.”
Once again, we get the message loud and clear that if a man struggles with lust or with staying faithful, it must be because a woman purposely tempted him.
Unfortunately, women have heard this stuff for years. We’ve gotten ready for church, checking our clothing in the mirror to make sure no cleavage shows, that nothing clings, that the colors aren’t too bright (or a shade recently declared “whorish”), that the hem is below the knee (or the ankle, depending on the leadership’s preference). We make sure our makeup is attractive (“If the barn needs painting, paint it!”) but not too showy (“Don’t want to look like a clown-school reject!”). Our hair must be styled, but not too elaborately. As for shoes? Skip the boots. Too sexy. Flats are okay, as long as they aren’t canvas (too casual). High-heeled pumps? Sure. But not high-heeled sandals (AKA “stripper shoes.”)
We double and triple-check to make sure that everything is covered and our garments flowing so that we don’t “accidentally” tempt one of the men with whom we worship.
It may not seem like a big deal, I mean it’s just a dress code, right? If that’s all it was, it wouldn’t be a problem. But the clothing issue is weaponized to keep women and girls constantly focused on their bodies and fearful of men’s lust (which they are told men cannot help). Women and girls, integral members of the Body of Christ, are taught that they are not trustworthy.
THAT is an attack on the church.
The church is the collective term for believers in Christ. It isn’t a building, an organization, or a business, but when believers are treated as an organization’s “volunteer” (but not really volunteer) workforce, are told that they are unqualified to speak, teach, and lead because of their gender, or are treated as nothing more than tempters who must be constantly controlled, THAT is an attack on the church.
This week was a busy one. The attacks on the church came fast. The attacks came one after the other.
And the attacks came from within.
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