“I used to be the one that people came to for everything....

“I used to be the one that people came to for everything. Recently my sister Ayla turned sixteen, and I helped her get a job at the sneaker store I used to work at. So there’s still some stuff I can do. But not a lot. I was at the bodega earlier today, trying to reach for shit. A complete stranger had to help me. I know it’s a great thing to help someone who’s disabled, or elderly. I used to do it all the time. But I’d always feel bad for that person. And that’s what I don’t want. I don’t want people feeling bad for me. Maybe it’s a man thing, or a pride thing. But I just rearranged my whole apartment by myself, in a fucking wheelchair. Not to bother people. Not to have anyone feel bad for me. Sometimes I’ll break down, but I do it by myself. Mainly at night. And even then,  I’ll give myself probably five, ten minutes to feel bad, but that’s it. I’ll start to think about my family. Like, I care about myself. But I care about my family so much more. And I know they wouldn’t want me in this place, so that’s what really pulls me through. I’ll try to think of happy memories. I used to think of shit that happened before the wheelchair, but then it’d be like: ‘Damn. I might not be able to do that again.’ So you know what I do now? I think about happy stuff that’s happened since I’ve been in the wheel chair. Recently my sister had her sweet sixteen party; I was actually scheduled to start radiation, but I made the doctor reschedule. Because I didn’t want to miss the party. I didn’t want everyone being like: ‘Where’s Craig? Where’s Craig?’ I didn’t want Ayla explaining my situation, thinking about my situation. So I made sure to go to that party. All my boys came through; they all knew my sister since she was young. The whole vibe was good. Nothing felt forced. I didn’t get treated no different. On the last song of the night, they dragged me out on the dance floor. And I popped up a wheelie. The DJ was yelling: ‘Don’t drop him! Don’t drop him!’ I was a bottle of Hennessy in, so I almost busted my ass. My friends were laughing at me, talking shit. Just like they always do. And that’s exactly what I wanted. Like, I’m in this situation. But I’m still me. I’m still Craig.”