Ask Auntie Leila: Five Household Items for Single Gals to Get
Hi Auntie Leila!
I’ve been working my way through your Summa Domestica Books. I’m a single woman hoping to marry, and trying to learn as much as I can to prepare myself. While I know we need to focus on living within our means, and making do with what we have, I was wondering if you had a list of products you wish you had when starting the married and family life? Or just things to add to the registry? Even as a single girl I already have a horse and dog and when I read your suggestion about water hog mats, I asked myself where they had been my whole life!!! Would you happen to have a list of these game-changer products that we can either put on our own registries, or give to other couples? Thanks so much!
Ali
Dear Ali,
Well, these are two questions in one — what a single girl could be investing in — a sort of expanded idea of a trousseau, if you will — before marriage, and what would be good to put on the registry.
For the latter question, we do already have a post about that. it’s here: Your marriage is your gift to others; a Guide to Registering.
This post is part of a larger series that Deirdre did on weddings, and I highly recommend that everyone peruse those posts and share them with mothers of the bride and brides and people in general, as wedding prep season begins to gear up! They are all linked here.
But the first part of the question is very interesting to me. I actually get a lot of mail from young ladies who are not yet married but would like prudently to prepare for the day that they step into the role of wife and mother.
When you are single, you still need pots and pans and furniture. They could be temporary, throwaway items or they could be in your virtual hope chest (but you’re already using them), well made and sturdy enough to be a significant contribution to setting up your married household later. What would those items be?
Unexpectedly, Ali mentions water hog mats! I wrote about them here in this post about how the home gets dirty. If you are so frustrated at the sand and grit that’s all over your floors, know that everyone is tracking all that in and you need mats to stop it at the door. This is the kind I like (affiliate link) but you can certainly find them at your local home goods store. They are rugged enough to last for you to bring to your new home. I’m not a fan of the ones with bumps and deep grooves because they are hard to vacuum; I’m always amazed at how much better I feel about life if I just vacuum the mudroom, and who wants that job to be annoying.I think a young lady should invest in and learn to use a sewing machine. It’s a hard item to commit to, money and time-wise, when you have a young family and realize you need one, but a fine purchase for a single person.
There are so very many items for the home and body that are exceedingly simple to sew and quite expensive to buy. Curtains, napkins, duvet covers, pillowcases, skirts, baby blankets… we are talking straight seams and very little time commitment.
It’s the kind of thing you will find second hand in great condition, as many people buy them and don’t use them. And of course, even vintage ones work extremely well.
I like mine a lot* (affiliate link)(but find one second hand)
A Dutch oven. (affiliate link) When you are single, you can make a pot of something (stew, chili, braised whole chicken) and eat it during the week, freezing portions for future use. When you are a married lady, this investment will be something you will always turn to. I see them on FB Marketplace all the time.
Ditto a cast iron pan — however, I urge you to find a vintage one. Poking around in thrift stores will eventually pay off, and the older ones are made with a better process and are much smoother in the interior, leading to better non-stick cooking. Even a sketchy-looking one can be restored with little trouble, and it’s so worth it — there are many how-tos online. Here is my post on how to season and care for your cast iron.
A well made sleep sofa with classic lines and styling. (Here is my “good furniture” board on Pinterest.) When you’re rooming with friends, you may need a sofa; when you’re married with little kids, you probably won’t have a guest room but you will want a comfy place for overnight visitors. At some point, you can demote it when you get a nicer one for your living room, and having a well made sofa in the secondary room helps the housekeeping undburdensome.
Furniture of poor quality demoralizes housekeeping, rendering it a futile, avoided activity. It’s better to buy something good and demote it when you have the space to fill than to get something of low quality later because you have so much furniture to buy. I got an American made sleeper sofa second hand for my rec room; this sort of piece is indestructible due to the heavy-duty microfiber suede-like fabric (which is totally scrubbable and looks great!) and strong construction, and would be a good choice for a single gal, to last forever. You can always replace the mattress, you know!
Cookbooks that teach you how to cook and contain information about food in general, vs. books with a lot of recipes (which are fun, don’t get me wrong). My go-tos, even after all these years, can be found in this post. There are others and they can all be found second-hand! Investing in a Cooks Illustrated general cookbook would be a good way to go. I have never used it, but I have always been impressed when served something made from it!
Bonus:
On IG I have a hashtag — Philsbachelorstuff — about little items that have definitely stood the test of time for me! They are not sexy but they are go-to things in my kitchen for sure — if you find similar things at thrift stores, grab them. I have other things to add and will do so eventually.Readers, what did you get when you were single that you are so glad about now? What do you wish you had invested in because it never seems to be affordable once you have your numerous family? Let us know in the comments!
*My sewing machine works flawlessly and I’ve had it for 10 years. Pros: smooth, trouble-free operation; good choice of stitches; handles thicknesses of fabric; has a needle-threader which became a necessity at the time I bought it, as I had trouble seeing the eye of the needle! Cons: The button to reverse stitch is annoyingly placed on a slant away from the user there on the front of the machine, so it’s hard to distinguish from the other two buttons as it’s not easily in view, yet used all the time; you choose a stitch type by toggling through, which is annoying when there are more than 30 to choose from! Push, push, push, push… dumb. I would prefer a knob that you simply turn to your selection.
bits & piecesI’ve been enjoying the Farmstead Meatsmith. I’m learning more about preserving meat from them. This episode of the podcast has a good discussion about priorities and the hierarchy of goods when making choices about where to live, a subject much visited, here at LMLD and in my inbox.
This article is the first one I’ve come across that explains the real danger of TikTok (just click past the first screen) to our young people — even more than the data collection which is a huge and pressing issue.
The entire app works in a way from which it is difficult to extricate oneself. Yes, any individual post might be of great interest and information to you — a little demonstration of a novel way to cook an egg, for instance. But it’s the next post and the next one and the next one… maybe sort of related but then not related, sucking you in because each one is just a minute or two, taking you to more fun ways to cook eggs but also to people doing degrading (yet perhaps not absolutely immoral though maybe) things… it’s difficult to stop, to say “enough.” The eyes begin to flicker. The brain gets patterned. To a certain extent, Instagram does something similar with reels. Tiktok is nothing but reels, designed to both track use and prod the user into areas of weakness.
I take my stand in saying that any child should not have any device of any kind that connects to the internet (the only exception being the computer out in the open for one or two classes when he’s a teenager — maybe you have an exception but this is my rule). You wouldn’t hand your child or anyone you loved a drug to use at will. That is what TikTok is — a debilitating drug.
If you knit, you may already know about using a lifeline. I thought this tutorial makes it easy to figure out.
If a priest will come to your home to anoint a sick person, you may want to watch this little vintage film to recover the collective memory. Similar to the instructions in it (so delicately offered), when a priest is bringing Holy Communion it would be fitting to have a small table with a cloth and candle as well.
Publishers are busy changing children’s books of the past. (I’m linking to the archived version of this piece that is behind a paywall.) Even when I was a child this was a thing, but mostly to abridge longer stories. It was annoying, though, to find out that you hadn’t actually read this or that book… but now a new edition of a well remembered favorite is likely to be subjected to political correctness or simply flattened out (sometimes in weird and inscrutable ways) and made “easier to read and understand” which means more boring. Buy used books when possible! Of course my LMLD Library Project is what this all about. (See the menu bar above.)
from the archivesHere are some practical thoughts beyond “good stuff” for getting ready for marriage or for the new bride settling into her home, before children come along.
There’s still time to print out My Lenten Rule (do it in the Chrome browser or it won’t come out right) for the whole family, perhaps on heavier than usual paper. My students like to color in the image on the back.
Do you need a Bossiness Cure for a certain child? (There are many more of my discipline ideas in my book, don’t forget!)
liturgical living
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My book, The Summa Domestica: Order and Wonder in Family Life is available now from Sophia Press! All the thoughts from this blog collected into three volumes, beautifully presented with illustrations from Deirdre, an index in each volume, and ribbons!
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