How to Write Better Dialogue

Mike Mignola demonstrates a good solid dialogue principle in Hellboy: Right Hand of Doom.

Reader Matteo asked for advice about writing dialogue, specifically how to avoid it sounding "too on-the-nose." I'm glad he did, too, because I love writing dialogue. I would never claim to be an authority on the topic, but I do think I have a good ear for it. One of the signs that I'm reading a book that's not For Me is when I notice myself doing too many mental rewrites of the dialogue. It's a hard skill to articulate, but I'll try to share principles and approaches that have worked for me.

For writer-types, aspiring or otherwise, I hope this is useful—the appeal should be self-evident.

For readers, I hope this offers some insight into the craft of your favourite writers and arms you to better identify work you might enjoy.

Who knows, maybe it'll even help us all communicate with each other more easily.

Below, you'll find

Some quick rules-of-thumb,

smart thoughts from Jordan Morris, Dik Pose, and Ben Hatke,

and an extended look at the most important touchstone for good dialogue. 

Mike Mignola, Amazing Screw-On Head. Don't write dialogue if you don't need to. ("Poof!")

FIRST, SOME QUICKIES

People rarely answer each other’s questions directly. This is a shortcut hack for creating the illusion of what I think is the most important aspect of half-decent dialogue: remembering that each character has their own distinct wants and needs.

It’s very hard to write a character so greedy that their behaviour seems unbelievable. Go ahead, give it a try! Depress yourself!

Think about how often you say exactly what’s on your mind. It’s probably not that often. What keeps you from speaking your mind? Manners? Foreknowledge? Fear?

Don’t spell things weird to imitate the sound of an accent. This is from Stephen King’s ON WRITING, I think. Don’ go confoundin' yer spellcheck fer the sake a'yer regional colour. Just spell words normally.

Speak the lines out loud. This one is from story wizard Dik Pose. Dialogue sounds different coming out of your mouth than it does sitting on the page. Your mileage may vary on this depending on whether you're one of those readers who has an "internal narrator" or not. I have an internal narrator and I don't change much when I try this. But if you're that other type of reader, this might be essential.

Observe from life. Another Dik Pose tip. Just like good drawing and good writing generally come from being a careful observer of life, go out and listen to the details of the ways people speak. Rather, don't just listen, but transcribe. A good way to train your ear AND train the connection between voice and words on the paper.

Don't write dialogue if you don't need to. This tip is from character genius Ben Hatke. In comics, you have other tools at your disposal. Facial expressions, body language, reactions and looks and meaningful silences. They're a part of our daily life. Watch your scene in your mind. Could that character speak with silence?

Tom King, Bilquis Evely &co., Supergirl: Woman of Tomorrow. Clearly demonstrating the "distinctive voices" principle.

CHARACTER VOICE

I asked Jordan Morris (hilarious gentleman and writer of BUBBLE—both the podcast and the graphic novel I illustrated) if he had any dialogue-writing tips. “Make each character so distinct that you could tell who is talking just by reading the dialogue," he said.

I was surprised I almost forgot this tip, because Jordan and I both agreed that one of the best things in comics is when you have someone who speaks in highfalutin language paired with someone who speaks plainly. Think HELLBOY, when everyone spouts ludicrous prophecies and Hellboy responds "sure thing, bud." More recently, SUPERGIRL: WOMAN OF TOMORROW does this, too.

SHORTER IS USUALLY BETTER

Jordan says, “one of my personal habits is trying to include too many jokes in one line. For instance, if I think of two funny ways to say "this person is boring," I'll try to fit them both into a line. It's always a little tough cutting something that you like but 9/10 times the shorter version of the line reads better.”

IN COMICS, BACK-AND-FORTH IS EXPENSIVE

This is a good companion to the previous point. In real life, ideally, a conversation involves a lot of back-and-forth between its participants. When we’re writing, trying to imitate that quality can make things sound natural.

Unfortunately, in comics, each line needs a new word balloon and an associated tail. They take up space and can be difficult to arrange in a way that’s easy to read. Sometimes it’s worth it, but if you can find a way to “optimize” an exchange into fewer word balloons, it might improve your reader’s experience.

Like, we could take,

Greg: “Where are the Pits?”
Slime Nerd: “Which Pits?”
Greg: “The Slime Pits, idiot. What other Pits would I be talking about?”
Slime Nerd: “Oh my Glob, you’re going to the Slime Pits?”
Greg: “Why else would I be asking you?”
Slime Nerd: “Take me with you!”

… and edit it down to,

Greg: “Where are the Slime Pits, idiot?”
Slime Nerd: “You’re going to the Slime Pits? Oh my Glob, you have to take me with you!”

This makes the letterer’s job easier and is easier for the reader to parse. It might also be better writing as a whole, but that depends on your taste and intentions.

DO NOT WRITE DIALOGUE IN THE OUTLINE

I don't like "Do Not" rules, but this can be helpful. It's a Robert McKee STORY tip. Sometimes I think it’s good advice, sometimes I don’t.

The thinking here is that if you write oblique dialogue in your outline, you might lose track of what’s really important in the early stages: keeping track of your characters’ true wants and motivations.

A straightforward accounting of any given scenario is a lot easier to work with later (and revise, which is inevitable) than the alternative. For example: “Greg meets a Slime Nerd. Greg hopes the Slime Nerd will simply tell him how to get to the Slime Pits. The Slime Nerd wants to be safely escorted to The Pits, though, and will not provide that information unless Greg agrees to take him along. Greg really does not want a tagalong, but accepts him as the price for the information.”

If your outline includes a bunch of dialogue tennis between Greg and The Slime Nerd, it may be tricky to later interpret those original wants and motivations. Since wants and motivations are your rawest story material, it’s helpful to have easy access to them, rather than needing to dig through a layer of blah blah blah.

The counterpoint to this is that sometimes writing dialogue is a good way for you, the writer, to explore your own characters. Letting them “talk” can be a helpful way of unearthing notions you don’t yet fully realize or understand. When I’m in the early stages of writing and I discover a dialogue exchange that feels good and useful I’ll make a note of it, but I try also to ensure I’m noting the subterranean motivations.

Jordan mentioned something similar. He says he makes two different outlines before starting any script; one is dialogue-free. “The second outline adds more details and some little bits of dialogue that I may or may not end up using. That usually makes the move to script a lot easier.”

From this two-page spread of Practical Defence. A character's Want can be as simple as "I want a decent-sounding nickname."

 Finally, a universal rule that will never lead you wrong:

REMEMBER YOUR CHARACTERS’ DISTINCT “WANTS”

When we talk about dialogue being too “on the nose,” I think what we’re describing is dialogue that serves the writer’s needs exclusively, without emerging from characters’ own wants and needs. At the other extreme, more languorous dialogue may sound naturalistic, but it would be nice, really, not to waste the reader’s time. Those are the two extremes I know how to recognize: moving the plot forward (and perhaps dumping exposition) versus natural-sounding dialogue that may err on the side of sluggishness. I think there’s an ideal point somewhere in the middle, and anyone who can hit that mark is a Good Writer.™

Consider: Greg wants to know how to get to the Slime Pits.

First, an on-the-nose approach:

Greg approaches a knowledgeable-looking Slime Nerd standing at the side of the road. He asks, “how do I get to the Slime Pits?”

“The Slime Pits are twelve kilometres east upon this very road,” says the Slime Nerd. “But ever since the coronation of the new king nine years and fourteen days ago, the neighbouring Kingdom of Grapes has been at conflict with us. To prevent incursions from our hated Grape enemies, King Bradley has demolished the bridge over the Whisky River, and so in order to reach the Slime Pits you will need to find some alternative way to cross, for the Slime Pits are on the far side of said river.”

The Slime Nerd has the information Greg needs, and not only does he offer it freely, but he adds in a whole bunch of other junk that I guess for some reason the writer felt it was necessary to include. The Slime Nerd is not a character, he is a shambling husk, a mouthpiece for the writer. He has no wants or needs of his own.

That’s the most important key to half-decent dialogue, I think: ensuring that each character has their own wants and needs.

Typically, the wants and needs of each character in your scene will be different. If you’re writing a scene and all the characters have the same wants and needs, ask yourself: why does there need to be dialogue here? If everyone wants to go to the Slime Pits and they all agree about how to do it and the details of what will be involved, they don’t have much to talk about.

Let’s go again, but this time the Slime Nerd desperately wants someone to take him to the Slime Pits. It’s been so long since he’s visited (because of the conflict, of course). I’m going to try to make it as “natural” as I can and we’ll see how much it drags on.

Greg approaches a knowledgeable-looking Slime Nerd standing at the side of the road. “Excuse me,” he says.

“Hunh?” Says the Slime Nerd.

“Hello, stranger,” says Greg. “Can you tell me… how do I get to the Slime Pits?”

The Slime Nerd looks him up and down. “You want to go to the Slime Pits?”

Greg nods.

“What makes you think I know?” Says the Slime Nerd.

“Apologies if I have offended,” says Greg, “I did not mean to. I thought only to take a chance.”

The Slime Nerd snorts. “Sure you did.”

Greg gives the weird nerd some side-eye. “I’ll keep on my way,” he says, keeping on his way.

“Of course I know where they are,” the Slime Nerd shouts after him. When Greg turns, he adds, “look at me.”

“Thank you for your time,” says Greg, waving farewell.

"Thank you for your time?" the Nerd parrots back. "Thank you for your time? Friend"—he wrings the word until it holds not a drop of sincerity—"my poor dumb friend. Stay and hear me out."

… and so on and so on. It's naturalistic, but it doesn't really go anywhere or do anything.

Finally, let me see if I can thread the needle so it sounds like things real characters might say, but also keeps things alive…

Greg approaches a knowledgeable-looking Slime Nerd standing at the side of the road. "How do I get to the Slime Pits?” he asks.

The Slime Nerd looks him up and down. “Are you from the castle?”

“I just want to get to the Slime Pits,” says Greg.

“You don’t look like you’re from the castle,” says the Slime Nerd.

Greg sighs. “I’m not.”

“You’re not one of…” and the Slime Nerd spits slime onto the road. It globs up among the dust. “…one of King Bradley’s men?”

“Certainly not,” says Greg, offended by the assertion.

“Then maybe you'll take me with you,” says the Slime Nerd.

Greg shakes his head. “I travel alone.”

“Do you want to get to the Slime Pits?” Asks the Slime Nerd. With a cruel smile he adds, “in one piece?”

Greg's got his Want: to get to The Slime Pits. The Slime Nerd wants to be escorted to The Slime Pits, but he also seems to have another Want: to make sure Greg is not one of the King's men. By making both characters talk at odds for the first four lines of dialogue ("characters rarely directly answer each others' questions") I think it both sounds more natural AND we put a point on the idea that The Slime Nerd is in opposition to the King's men. Presumably that will prove a useful idea later.

“Good luck, friend.”

I wish you all happy reading and happy writing.

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