Creating What You Don’t Want

Lovelessness- Can One Person Save a M...

Creating What You Don’t Want

[image error]Dear Mr. Marriage,

Well i dont kno if i really want to be with my father of my child because i dont know if he want to be with me i feel like he a lier about every thing and that he dont see in his furture as being his lady so what should i do about this situation?

Nakila

Dear Nakila,

So let me see if I understand your plan. You are going to reject him before he get’s a change to reject you. Is that it?

Nakila, have you ever felt insecure or full of self doubt? Have you ever felt unloved or unlovable? My guess would be you have. Well, in those times have you ever noticed that you tend to think negatively? You know you start doubting if the people in you life really care about you. Then later when you are feeling better could you see how that was just your negative feelings talking?

This is one of those times. Because you feel like he does not want you, you are going to kick him out of your life. I don’t hear you talking about what you are feeling, or about any thoughts for your child. You sound like you are focused on no being rejected. Out of that fear of rejection you are going to reject him.

I am moving out of state and when I shared the news with one of my clients she went home and canceled all her future appointments. Then she started writing me about how alone and abandoned she feels. It’s true I am leaving but that’s a ways off. Instead of my client giving herself the time she needed to deal with her feelings she went into self protection mode and abandoned me before I could abandon her.

Our emotions do one of two things, our feelings either protects us or it connects us. When you are feeling hurt your emotions tell you to withdraw or push away and create distance. That works well with strangers. But when it comes to people we love that distance we create separates us from those we love.

I don’t know if this person is going to be a good husband or father, but you have to change your pattern and instead of pushing people you love away when you get hurt, you much learn to open up and become more vulnerable. Being hurt by people we love requires a different response, it requires more openness and communication.

Get on the phone with one of our support staff and lets get the two of you to start talking.

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Brett “Mr. Marriage”