DOING THE DIGITAL DANCE TO AN ANALOG BEAT

Hmmm, if I were to seclude myself in a remote cabin for a year away from any human contact and any form of media, how severe would the culture shock be when I returned?

Our apparent insatiable appetite for continuous change, ever more choices and “new and improved” everything is beginning to perplex me. It seems that the innovation wheel is spinning madly out of control

For years, fast food burger outlets offered strictly burgers, fries, soft drinks and milk shakes. Coffee shops sold coffee and donuts. Sub shops sold submarine sandwiches. The only choice at pizza joints was the toppings. Fast and simple was the big appeal.

But now they add a new item to the menu every other month – not to mention endless variations on their original offerings. Cheeseburger, bacon burger, bacon cheese burger, double bacon cheeseburger, sirloin burger, BBQ burger, veggie burger. I had no idea there were that many parts to a cow.

It times me longer to shop for groceries now because I have to scan through a half dozen variations for every product. Do I want my hair shampoo to be invigorating, volumizing, moisturizing, anti-dandruff or classic clean? I’m seriously considering shaving my head so I don’t have to decide.

Dress pants now come in classic fit, relaxed fit, straight fit and slim fit. With cuff or without. Pleats or no pleats. The paradox is none of them seem to fit me quite right.

My cable provider just sent me a notice indicating that I must pick up a Digital Adapter because they are about to switch from analog TV channels to an all-digital format. I doubt I’ll notice the difference. But that seems to be beside the point.

I also have the option, for a small additional monthly fee, to order a Digital Set-top Box and/or a Digital Personal Video Recorder. This upgrade will apparently vault me into a new “superior entertainment experience” with access to 100’s of specialty channels, superior resolution picture and a mouthful of other state-of-the-art features which I neither understand nor desire.

I’m hard pressed to find something worth watching on the 50 odd channels I have now. Half the time I watch reruns because the few quality programs available are better the second and third time around than most of the quirky new programs or bottom of the

barrel reality TV shows.

Am I the only one getting a headache from this ever accelerating proliferation of choices? It is pretty clear that I’m not in the prime demographic anymore because what I really want is stability. I want the old reliable things to stay the way they are and always have been.

For lack of a better handle, let’s call it the digital dance metaphor. I’m an analogue creature in a digitized world. Forget about holing up in a cabin for a year. I get culture shock every time I step out the door.

~ Michael Robert Dyet is the author of “Until the Deep Water Stills – An Internet-enhanced Novel” – double winner in the Reader Views Literary Awards 2009. Visit Michael’s website at www.mdyetmetaphor.com or the novel online companion at www.mdyetmetaphor.com/blog .

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