Peeling Back the Layers
Personally, I have an issue with the expression “finding yourself.” Perhaps those who are lost or feel they are lost need to search for their identity, their essence, their being. However, something about the expression seems to imply a single entity that has vanished from the consciousness. That categorically definable “I” that is no longer a part of your being.
For my part, I have evolved over time. Not from a lesser being to a higher one, but simply more from one to another. An individual who, by fate, circumstances, external forces, or determined effort, stood at any moment in time and could declare intention, likes and dislikes, and motivations. When that evolution is stalled, for whatever reason, I refer to it as “discovering myself.”
It’s like meeting someone at a cocktail party or social event. I can look in the mirror and see me just I can see this new person I am meeting. That’s the first bit of identification. At the party, I can ask leading questions to determine who this person before me truly is, what their opinions may be, their tastes, their intellect, and eventually their overall compatibility.
It is tougher to make those same inquiries from the image in the mirror. You can ask the questions but you may not get an adequate response. This then requires an internal discovery. An honest approach will bring forth revelations, some of which may be surprising or unintended but nevertheless real. The answers, the ultimate truths, have to be faced. Anything short of that is like living a lie.
I could say I am not happy with such-and-such since it is not how I used to be or feel. This is forcing you to stay in a rut, do what you’ve done simply because it’s what you’ve always done. There is comfort in familiarity. Newness is not born in celestial light but in the darkness of uncertainty, daring you to step forward and make your claim toward the Being you are now.
I find myself in a transitional period of time, one in which I am evolving yet again, and doing my best to discover who this entity is and what he wants of life now and in the future. I have experience, a capacity for logical thinking, and a heart filled with a creative drive. It is not possible, at this juncture, to say what is next. It’s a path of discovery. Once I find out, I’ll let you know.
