Writer's Block or Just Plain Old Depression?
Two months ago I was high as a kite, creatively. I was pumping out ten pages at a time. My house somehow stayed (relatively) clean, my children were on time to their appointments, fresh, healthy dinners seemed to assemble themselves in my kitchen. Even the dog was happier.
Then I got sick. And I took on a big editing project. I went back to my formerly funny, sparkling manuscript and it all seemed like something someone else had written. Who were these characters and why did I find them interesting in the first place? I plowed through my days in a fog of disinterest, going through the motions. Trying to keep home and hearth running.
I stared at my computer, leaving it defeated. Meals were hastily thrown together. My children had to remind me to check my e-mail, write that check, fill out that permission slip.
I was experiencing what I thought was writer's block. If I couldn't write then the world was dimmer for me. Everyone else could seemingly function at work but I faced my computer and felt impotent. I spent more time reading than writing because, I felt, other writers were funnier, smarter and infinitely more successful. Why not give up?
Well, because I was going through a small depression. The kind that cycles through my life, usually in the mid-section of a novel. I experience a high initially then something happens and it all crashes. Then slowly, I get my mojo back.
Is it writer's block depression? I think in my case, it is. I don't know a writer who can write his or her way out of a depression. I do know that when the fog lifts, I return to writing with renewed passion and gratitude. A lot of it has to do with self confidence. How can I be witty, funny and entertaining on the page when I don't feel that way in life?
For now, it's over. My book will be published later than I thought but that's okay. With depression, there is a silver lining. A renewal that reminds me of what I love about writing -- a chance to create new worlds and craft something completely original. Because without it, for me, life just isn't the same.
Then I got sick. And I took on a big editing project. I went back to my formerly funny, sparkling manuscript and it all seemed like something someone else had written. Who were these characters and why did I find them interesting in the first place? I plowed through my days in a fog of disinterest, going through the motions. Trying to keep home and hearth running.
I stared at my computer, leaving it defeated. Meals were hastily thrown together. My children had to remind me to check my e-mail, write that check, fill out that permission slip.
I was experiencing what I thought was writer's block. If I couldn't write then the world was dimmer for me. Everyone else could seemingly function at work but I faced my computer and felt impotent. I spent more time reading than writing because, I felt, other writers were funnier, smarter and infinitely more successful. Why not give up?
Well, because I was going through a small depression. The kind that cycles through my life, usually in the mid-section of a novel. I experience a high initially then something happens and it all crashes. Then slowly, I get my mojo back.
Is it writer's block depression? I think in my case, it is. I don't know a writer who can write his or her way out of a depression. I do know that when the fog lifts, I return to writing with renewed passion and gratitude. A lot of it has to do with self confidence. How can I be witty, funny and entertaining on the page when I don't feel that way in life?
For now, it's over. My book will be published later than I thought but that's okay. With depression, there is a silver lining. A renewal that reminds me of what I love about writing -- a chance to create new worlds and craft something completely original. Because without it, for me, life just isn't the same.
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Stan Hankins