You’re Not a Failure

I was speaking to friend and he confided in me he feels like he failed as a parent. His grown kids do not attend church. He stated that while they were growing up, he raised them in religious schools where faith was important. They attended church as a family regularly. He showed them he placed faith as an important piece of his life.

But now, they don’t go.

I tried to encourage him by saying statistically college and pre-marriage years many people fall away from church. Sadly, it takes a new marriage, new kids, or a life-altering event to bring them back to the faith in which they were raised.

But he still feels the guilt that he did something wrong.

I can’t explain why some people fall away from church and their faith and why others don’t. You hear the stigma of preacher’s children rebelling when they get older since they were “at church every time the doors were open.”

But then you also hear of other preacher’s children becoming preachers or missionaries themselves.

Do people just need to sow their wild oats sometimes?

I’m not here to say I’m perfect, but I’ve never felt the need to walk away from my faith. I’ve questioned it at time. I’ve pondered if God truly exists. I’ve even contemplated the rationalization of Christ actually dying and resurrecting for the world’s sins. Many times these beliefs seem farfetched.

But in those moments of questioning, doubting, speculating, I circle back to my faith. My faith that I own.

Many times I wonder if people step away from faith because they never truly owed their faith? It was only the faith of their parents passed down from their parents passed down from their parents like it is some antique China with an unchipped gravy boat and butter holder. It’s like they confuse faith for a supposedly treasured heirloom that they don’t treasure.

They’ve just been told, this is valuable and not to break it. Just like a vase. So they use it only as decoration with no practical use that to collect dust sitting on the mantle beside another antique item passed down through the years.

There came a time in my life when I had to decide if this faith was mine or if it was just passed down to me. I wrestled with it. I came face to face with it. It wasn’t easy, but it was needed. And it made me stronger.

I now see my faith as my own. My relationship with Christ is mine. Someone doesn’t have to beg me to talk to Him. Someone doesn’t have to force me to open up His word. Someone doesn’t nag me to walk with Him. I sometimes fail at those things, but at the end of the day, it’s a commitment I made for my sake and no one else’s.

And people come to terms with their faith at different ages. Some people find Christ at seven years old and others find him at forty-seven.

It is better to have a genuine faith than a fake one. God sees through the smoke and mirrors and layers of makeup. He sees the heart. He can distinguish between real and counterfeit.

Sometimes we are not privy to that kind of inspection. Even to ourselves. Sometimes the lies we tell, can eventually convince ourselves that we can’t differentiate between the truth and falsehood.

So where are you at on this issue?

But overall, I don’t think this is a new dilemma. Even Christ taught on it with the Prodigal Son.

I’m not saying to look forward to your children not shadowing a church seat for a few years until they get their lives figured out, because church is a great place to figure your life out. But don’t freak out when they leave their seat vacant for a time.

But hopefully, they will return. Hopefully, a sweet reunion will happen. Hopefully, the prodigal will come back.

“Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6

So take heart…you’re not a failure. It’s just sadly the new normal.

Peace