Journeys, difficulties, and Destinations
My journey with the Lord began when I was seven years old. I remember the day and I remember being baptized in the little Baptist church in Midland, Texas. As I grew older, I also grew away from the Lord. After graduating high school, I couldn’t wait to get out of my parents house and make my own decisions. Those decisions led me to some very dark places. One morning, while I was on Christmas vacation and staying with my parents, God broke through to my heart. In a moment of despair, grief, and conviction, I made a deal with God. A bargain, so to speak. I told God, “If you will give me a ‘reset’ and help me find solid footing again, I will give you my life.” I had no idea, in that moment, what that “deal” was going to cost me.
Like so many of us, I made a deal with God because I wanted a better life. The conviction of the Holy Spirit brought me to that place, but my understanding of what I was asking was drastically lacking. Yet, in HIS infinite wisdom, He led me in my ignorance because I was sincere in my promise.
God’s leading is an interesting study. They say hindsight is 20/20, and I must agree. Even through my missteps, foolish decisions, and lack of faith, He has led – every.step.of.the.way.
Even after making the commitment to follow Jesus and turn my life around, I still struggled with old sins and decisions. I had one foot on each side of the proverbial fence, as they say. One weekend, we had a team coming from Youth With A Mission (YWAM) to our church. One of the team members would be staying at our house. My mom desperately wanted me to be there. However, I had decided to go skiing that weekend. I was going to leave after work on Friday, and return late Sunday night. I would have missed the team entirely. Surprisingly, after I came home from work, I got sick…fever, throwing up…everything. I was a wreck, so I went to bed, but I was not to be deterred. The next morning, I was up early and feeling better. I made breakfast and started packing my car…and then I threw up all over the garage. Evidently God had other plans – plans that would ultimately change the trajectory of my entire life.
That weekend was life altering. I spent a great deal of time with the team (I had miraculously recovered later that morning from my illness…imagine that) and the impact they had on my life cannot be measured in words. The next Spring, I was at YWAM in Tyler, TX doing a Discipleship Training School (DTS) and my life was forever changed. I spent the next 5 years with YWAM, growing in faith and growing in a calling I had never even considered.
While all of this was happening, my wife was at college in Arkansas. She could have easily ended up in California, but her aunt and uncle had moved from Los Angeles to Arkansas, so she ultimately decided she wanted to be close to family (her mom and dad were living in Germany where Michelle grew up). If she had not decided to move to Arkansas, she would not have been at the job fair the University of Central Arkansas that eventually sent her to Midland, Texas, my hometown, where she became friends with my mom and my sister and, eventually, became my wife.
Of course, that is far from the end of the story. We moved to Turkey, where we lived for 16 years pastoring an amazing church. Our children had the amazing opportunity to grow up in a different culture, giving them a unique view of the world. Michelle and I have been graced with amazing relationships that we would never have had otherwise…lifelong friends and ministry partners. We’ve also had to overcome unbelievable obstacles, hardships, disappointments, broken relationships, pain, and grief. It hasn’t all been sunshine and roses. It’s been hard.
In the process, we’ve had to process some very difficult misconceptions of what it means to follow Jesus.
Paul writes in his letter to the Romans,
“Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” (Romans 5:3-5 ESV)
These are not simple occurrences Paul refers to in this passage. He’s talking about a journey. These are valleys walked through, mountains climbed, and oceans crossed. It’s “where the rubber meets the road.” It is a journey. Endurance, character, and hope are developed over the course of a lifetime, not in a day or an instant. It’s the journey of the Cross.
Michelle and I would never have been able to handle the extreme grief of losing a child if we had not already walked through valleys, mountains, and oceans of disappointment. God began to build a foundation in our lives years ago as we slowly learned to fully trust Him when things seemed to be falling apart. The reality is grief and disappointment don’t get smaller, it’s just we get bigger as we journey through life and learn to trust the Lord.
The word Paul uses for “produces” in Romans 5 is the Greek word katergazomai. It means to “work fully” or “work out.” It’s interesting because Paul uses the same word in a letter to the Philippians.
“12 Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling,13 for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.” (Philippians 2:12-13 ESV)
Once again, Paul is discussing a journey of faithfulness. He says to obey, not only in His presence, but also in His absence. In other words, always. It is a process of working out our character and our commitment to the cause of Christ; a journey of discipleship and becoming true followers of Jesus. We didn’t reach our destination with a heartfelt prayer of repentance on that wonderful day when we gave our lives to Christ. Rather, we began a journey toward a destination of fellowship and intimacy with our Heavenly Father, which sets us on a journey of faithfulness through consistent obedience.
The journey is important because it’s when our character is developed and worked out that we can withstand the storms and disappointments of life, stay the course, and finish well.
It’s when our character is developed that we can rise from our grief, our loss, and even our failures and press on toward the destination Christ has for us. Without character being developed and tested within us, as the Scriptures say, we become people tossed to and fro by every wave (Ephesians 4:14 ESV).
Without endurance producing character, hope has no place to grow. Producing hope in our lives is a process birthed during the journey. Solomon penned it best when he wrote, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick….” (Proverbs 13:12a ESV) We need hope, but it is only developed through endurance and character, otherwise it’s just a “wish,” something with no foundation, function, or substance.
So how do we get from the pit of despair to a place of hope? How do we move from simple obedience driven by our emotions and circumstances to a lifestyle of faithfulness that is a stalwart against the storms?
One of the first things we must do is to align our expectations to His truth. Remember? It’s what James was trying to say in James 1:2, “Consider it nothing but joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you fall into various trials.”
He was trying to set our expectations in alignment with the truth of God’s Word. Deciding to follow Christ is not an invitation to a life without problems, pain, and suffering. It’s an invitation to a life that is still battered, broken, and bruised, but full of love, peace, and joy. It’s a victorious life in the midst of the storms! That’s why we do as James said and “consider it ALL joy….”
Because “…we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28 ESV)
So, the destination matters and especially how we arrive there. The journey and the destination are equally important. I used to think the journey included a few mountains and valleys and a lot of wide-open plains, where we work and run our race. What I failed to understand is there are also oceans to cross. The mountains can be discouraging just because of their overwhelming size, how they take over the entire landscape, and the closer we get to them, the larger they seem (finances, relationships, and dreams bigger than our abilities).
When we are in the valley, it’s easy to get lost and give up hope when we can’t see the forest for all the trees (failures, insecurities, and uncertainties). The oceans however, can drown us in despair, depression, disappointment, and grief.
The thing about the oceans is we have nothing solid under our feet. We feel helpless against the wind and waves. It was where the disciples found themselves on a few occasions. Yet, we watch as Peter steps out of the boat, and finds, for a moment of incredible faith, solid footing. It was in the midst of a fierce storm, one that saw veteran fishermen afraid for their lives, that Peter walked on water. We can, too.
God did not calm the sea before calling Peter out of the boat. Peter stepped out anyway. Sometimes it’s the Jesus IN the storm that we need when our faith begins to fail.
This is what the journey will teach us, and that is what our Heavenly Father wants us to do. We are called to walk on water in the midst of the storm, not only after Jesus calms them.
Crossing this ocean of grief and disappointment tried to destroy our family. At times, we felt we were drowning in the endless depths of pain.
On top of that, I was “spitting mad.”
For twenty-two years, I prayed the Lord would keep my family—my wife and kids—safe. It was a selfish prayer to keep me from disappointment and pain. When we lost Aly, I was furious with God because He didn’t honor what I felt was a negotiated agreement: I sacrifice my life for His kingdom and He protects my family.
From my pain-filled perspective, He didn’t keep His side of the agreement, and I was mad about that. However, if I really wanted to go down that road, what I actually negotiated or bargained for, on that day thirty years ago, was a cross. On that cross, I gave my life and all it represents, including my family.
When Michelle and I agreed to follow Jesus, we took up His cross, His suffering, and His sacrifice. The promise was the power of His resurrection! You can’t share in His resurrection without sharing in His sufferings and sacrifices. That was the actual bargain.
So, with that “higher” perspective in place, how do we make the transition? How do we get from where we’ve been to where we need to be? How do we walk on water?
For me, I’m no longer praying for safety to be among my highest desires for my family. Instead, I’m praying they will be drawn into relationship with our Heavenly Father. No matter how long or short their lives may be, my hope and prayer is that, like Aly, they will have an encounter with the Father that radically alters the trajectory of their lives.
This change in perspective only happens when we begin to align our expectations with His plan and purpose. If your expectations are to live a happy life and enjoy the freedoms given you, then you are missing the entire plan of God. If that is your perspective, when a storm threatens to overturn your boat, the last thing you’re going to have faith for is walking on water.
He has given us a mandate for our time here on this planet. His mandate is to “proclaim this message: ‘The kingdom of heaven has come near.’ Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse those who have leprosy, drive out demons. Freely you have received; freely give.'” (Matthew 10:7-8 NIV)
And:
“Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” (Matthew 28:19-20 ESV)
This message is not simply for those who have been “called.” It’s for everyone who has answered “THE call” to be followers of Jesus Christ. There are no exceptions. It is how we are to live our lives; it is our purpose, our mandate. As followers and Disciples of Christ, we have all been called to walk on water!
“Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 3:12-14 ESV)
One of my heroes of the faith is missionary and martyr for Christ, Jim Elliot. I’m on the path I’m on today because of the example of his life recklessly given to the advancement of the Kingdom of God. He had a single focus and a determination to fulfill God’s mandate. He gave his life for that cause at an early age.
We refer to him and others like him as “exceptional, unique, and special.” He would disagree. He was simply living the life laid out in the Word of God as representing a follower of Jesus. To Jim Elliot, he was living a normal life, not a unique one. He was able to walk that mandate out because he set his expectations on Christ and His upward call.
He shared his perspective on the life of a Christian in a letter to his future wife, Elisabeth Elliot:
“Dearest Betty, ‘We are the sheep of His pasture. Enter into His gates with thanksgiving, and into His courts with praise.’ And what are the sheep doing going into the gate? What is their purpose inside those courts? To bleat melodies and enjoy the company of the flock? No. Those sheep were destined for the altar. Their pasture feeding had been for one purpose, to test them and fatten them for bloody sacrifice. Give Him thanks, then, that you have been counted worthy of His altars. Enter into the work with praise.”[i]
Mark Batterson, lead pastor of National Community Church in Washington, DC, in his book Not Safe: Discovering God’s Dangerous Plan for Your Life, put it this way:
“Jesus didn’t die to keep us safe. He died to make us dangerous. Faithfulness is not holding the fort. It’s storming the gates of hell. The will of God is not an insurance plan. It’s a daring plan. The complete surrender of your life to the cause of Christ isn’t radical. It’s normal. It’s time to quit living as if the purpose of life is to arrive safely at death.”[ii]
We are here for a purpose, and it’s not to build our careers and our portfolio or to provide a good, safe life for our children so they can simply repeat everything we’ve done (or not done).
While there is nothing wrong with having a career, being financially stable, and desiring safety for our family, they cannot become our destination or our purpose, or be an obstacle or distraction to it. We’re here, for a short period of time, to make a difference, an eternal impact in the kingdom, to be dangerous to the kingdom of darkness, and to train our children to be even more so…another generation that stands on our shoulders because they’ve watched us give our all for the kingdom. When we begin to reconcile these things to how we live, our expectations fall into alignment with His will.
Over time, disappointments don’t carry the weight they once did. We’ve grown and learned to get out of the boat and to walk on water. Sometimes we look a little like Peter and sink as soon as we take our eyes off of Jesus. What’s important though, is we are getting out of the boat, that place of security and comfort, stepping out in faith even though we can’t see the bottom.
When we have our eyes set on Him, we adjust our expectations accordingly, and they are no longer based on our circumstances or what we can or cannot do in and of ourselves. Our expectations are squarely placed in His arms. This is where we find the victory in what looked like defeat.
I get it. It seems impossible to find joy and peace in suffering and pain when our expectations and beliefs convince us it’s not supposed to be this way.
Don’t get me wrong, even when our expectations are set properly and in alignment with Christ, pain is still pain, and it hurts like hell. Being in proper alignment, however, enables us to find the path moving forward—the one that will take us through the shadow of the valley of death and deliver us into the shadow of His wings because we understand His purposes, and that becomes enough.
Peace.
[i] Elliot, Elisabeth. Shadow of the Almighty. New York: HarperCollins, 2009.
[ii] Batterson, Mark. Going All In. Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2013.
