Facing Fear

Fear makes the wolf bigger than he is. ~German proverb

I Monkey here.

I ask you, Have you ever seen anything more terrifying than this:

The Kid (AKA Domer) was home recently, and he and Mama decided to do a bit of tidying up.

You see, Mama had saved immense sacks full of things from his childhood. Stuff like old McDonald’s toys from the Kids’ Meals. Stuffed animals. Little toy cars and trains. Board games.

Even T-shirts from when he played sports at the YMCA.

Gee, what was she thinking? Didn’t she realize nobody’s house is big enough to hold all the memories a kid makes while he’s a kid?

But I digress.

So The Kid was merrily going through these sacks, pulling things out and asking, “Remember this?” And he and Mama would share a big laugh.

It was good to see them happy, even though little Monkeys like me don’t particularly relish such commotion. (wink, wink)

When The Kid asked if there were any more bags to go through, Mama directed him to the big storage closet. I didn’t get to see the unveiling, as it were, but when he started laughing, Mama started laughing, and eventually, he emerged with that THING in his arms!

Look at it, people. Look at that lazy eye, that chopped hair, that hideous dress. What is it pointing at?? Now tell me you wouldn’t have nightmares if you saw a THING like that in your closet!

Anyway, The Kid showed it to Gramma, and she, too started laughing. Mama was cackling so hard her eyes were leaking, and more than once, she said something about having to go pee.

Peeing was the farthest thing from my Monkey mind, honest to goodness.

After making sure The Kid had a good hold on the THING, I gave it a quick sniff — to convince myself it wasn’t a real child, long hidden away in the closet.

It wasn’t. There was no sign of life from it. None at all.

Then The Kid moved the THING’s arms and legs, kind of like it was walking! And that lazy eye went closed while the other one stayed open … and my poor Monkey heart almost stopped when he marched that THING right at me!!

I raced around the room like a demon was on my back, I’ll tell you true.

And when The Kid and Mama started taunting me that “my little girlfriend” wanted to play, why, I almost passed right out!

Girlfriend. Huh!

If that wasn’t horror enough, The Kid went back in the closet and found THING #2:

Oh my heavenly days, this one was in pieces!! Its legs were completely detached from its body, its checkered dress was all rumpled, its hair was a rat’s nest, and its heavily made up eyes bore right through you.

Just look at that goofy smile and tell me: if you were in pieces, would you have anything to grin about?

Turns out, these “dolls” were playthings for my Mama and her sister when they were little. Go figure.

Who’d do that to their toys, I ask you? And why would Gramma keep them all this time? Did she think they’d miraculously go back together?

I suppose there’s a lesson to be had here, but YOU figure it out. I’m too little.

And besides, I regularly destroy my toys. See for yourself:

I Monkey chewed the arm off Michigan J. Frog; Mama has since sewn it back on. The patient survived with no complications.