How I Got My Husband to Slow Down and Enjoy the Ride
by Barb, first post from Key West, first post of 2023
Often, when I give talks about my books, I mention that my husband creates the recipes because he does the shopping and cooking at our house.
“Oooh,” many women in the audience say. “How did you accomplish that? That’s the book you should write. You’d sell a million copies.”
The truth is, it wasn’t hard. My husband grew up in a household where his father did all the shopping and some of the cooking. “Always marry the oldest child of a working mother,” is my advice.
But toward the goal of getting people to take on tasks, one thing I did learn along the way is that I can get my husband to do almost anything if I can locate the proper gadget.
For example, I made salads for decades. For some reason, I was the salad maker in the family I grew up in, and somehow I was also the salad maker in the family I brought up. How did this happen? I would wonder. But it did. Then, I discovered a sleek, stainless steel salad spinner that did everything but chop the lettuce and sounded like an alien space ship when it turned. Suddenly, my husband took over the salad making. (He still claims my salads are better, but I suspect this is one of those situations like morning coffee. It’s always better if someone else makes it…because someone else made it.)
A friend of mine’s husband used to wander into Sharper Image or William Sonoma, pick up things, and ask the clerk, “Now what could I use this for?” Her father thought this was hilarious, a solution in search of a problem. A gadget in search of a task. But sometimes it works.
Principle: Some people will do anything if you give them an interesting gadget to accomplish the task.
I have now discovered another technique for changing behavior.
My husband has always been a quintessential Massachusetts driver, or Masshole, as the people who live in the states that surround us would have it. His driving is fast, aggressive, and based on the principle that everyone else on the road is an idiot, something he loudly declaims as he drives. (He’s the nicest man in any other situation, and he would have me point out at this juncture that he’s never had an accident. Cautious, conservative me has.)
He had a milestone birthday this spring. Seeing a possible opening, I said to him, “You know, your reflexes probably aren’t what they once were. Maybe it’s time to slow down.”
This went over about as well as you’d expect. (In fairness I need to say I hadn’t noticed any change in his driving skills. And since his cataract surgery this fall, he sees better than he has ever before in his life. I was merely taking what I thought was my best shot. Turned out it wasn’t.)
And so the situation remained. Until, this August when, a year after we ordered it, we picked up our fully electric car.
The car has a little gauge on the dash that tells you when you are in the optimal battery use zone and what your average miles per kilowatt hour are.
On our drive from Maine to Key West, he had the cruise control set at the speed limit and was driving in the right hand lane, giving me breathless reports about how much battery we were consuming. It was almost more of an adjustment than I could take. And it has led me to develop a corollary for my principle.
Principle: Some people will do anything if you give them an interesting gadget to accomplish the task.
Corollary: Some people will radically change their behavior if provided with a game.
So there you are. You can teach old dogs new tricks. Or maybe, this trick was available to me all along, I was just slow in learning it.
Readers: What are your experiences in changing human behavior? Any tips or tricks? Are there any you use on yourself?
