Why I Feel Useless.
Friday 14th of August 2020
I don’t feel productiveI don’t feel confidentI don’t feel as though I have anything valuable to offerI don’t feel like I provideI lack the money to do or get the things I want without borrowing or sacrificing.The coming Winter Solstice is supposed to be a big on, signifying the end of a turbulent cycle and marking the start of a better one.
So, I thought I would save up some money and spend a long weekend in Glastonbury. I didn’t want to go alone, so I asked my sister if she would like to come. I should have known that she would have plans, why would I think she wouldn’t? Anyway, I’m sure the money will be needed for something else so it’s probably a good thing.
But, it still leaves me with an issue, what should I do instead?
I came up with putting together a visual poetry book, releasing it in time for the Winter Solstice, and that freaked me out. People might read it, people might not read it. It’ll be judged, by everyone. I’ll just end up embarrassing myself.
But there’s that whole thing, isn’t there? Go where the fear is, that’s the true path. But, I’m sure that saying doesn’t hold true for everything.
I have all these poems that I’ve written, and putting aside whether they’re good enough or not, putting them together, in a book, publishing them, would be letting go. It would free up space in me, and what would I do with all that space? What could I do with all that space?
It would be one less thing to hold on to, and I could move on. I want to move on. What will I do when I finally move on?
‘Oceans and Dust: Poems for Loneliness’ – available now from Amazon.
