The Hardest Words to Say in our Modern Times!

Hi and Welcome to the A & J PEI Treasures E Jean Simpson Author Blog Post and Podcast. I’m your host, Jean coming to you from the beautiful Province of Prince Edward Island, Canada!! The blog post and podcast is an opinion piece and only reflects this author’s opinion and not that of any other entity. I hold no designations in politics, economics or medicine. I am retired from the mental health field. I am a humanitarian and speak from that viewpoint only. Whether you agree with me or not, at least I hope it makes you think. This week I talk about what seems to be the hardest words to speak known to humanity in modern times. If you want to find out more, then stay tuned…!

I’ve seen a great deal of political posturing and stuff. I half wonder if they aren’t just watching too much “Reality TV”. First, I don’t care what the other guy has done that you don’t like. It makes for cheap political points. You want to impress me, tell me what you can offer and what I can offer in this crazy mixed up relationship called politics. I’m not a politician as I point out and I have little to no interest in politics…except maybe from the viewpoint of someone who has to live with the outcome of the votes. This week, I was surprised to see that one of the Provincial Government people literally compared the treatment of their Province to how First Nations People were treated. This was, in and of itself, really poorly thought out and of questionable utility. First, you’re comparing your treatment to a whole people who were actually treated badly from the time of colonization. This was the way at the time. I keep hoping we can move forward and become one healthy nation (I’m talking worldwide). Yup, I’m a dreamer and maybe a snowflake as well. But, I own it. Now, to add insult to injury, the politician started to apologize and turned that into an actual justification…she called it clarification, but tomAto/tomato (spelling to show enhanced pronunciation) https://calgary.ctvnews.ca/danielle-s.... Then she goes on to ‘clarify’ which turned into what felt like justification of using a poorly thought out analogy. How can generations of people having been marginalized and over the years, children taken and dying in residential schools even come close to how the Province has been treated? It is taking a First World Problem and using First Nation experience in a way that is highly inappropriate. In what way is this similar? So, apparently no one has the knowledge of etiquette that would be needed to dig one’s other end out of a debacle such as this since they insisted on going with this line even after it was pointed out to be inappropriate. I must state that I’m not First Nation that I know of, but as a human being, I do have a grasp on right and wrong.

I have to state, it’s not only politicians that make these errors, it’s just more salient when they do make them because it hits the news. To be honest, I suggest that they get some decent public relations people on board before they tank the whole place. But, I digress. People seem to have become immune to words and their impact. At one time, they used to teach you that what you said has meaning and that it would be a good idea to think about what you are saying when you cause harm. But, now people are so interested in the latest drama, creating it, sharing it, making likes and subscribers with it that there is little room or thought given to the fine art of talking to each other like human beings. This week alone, I see, in Canadian Politics that one minister referred to an 11 year old child as a “prop” https://atlantic.ctvnews.ca/n-b-educa.... I honestly know nothing about the programs that they are arguing over. But, that is part of the world view that allows kids to be called ‘props’ and used as ‘props’. Either way, it is not encouraging respect for each other or others. Whether or not the accusation is correct, I have no real idea…it’s not a part of the purview of my writing to decide what is true in the news…. Of course, this is a whole other problem. However, most Government Officers could definitely use some old school etiquette classes. Has that Minister apologized, I have no idea.

For the sake of humanity, let’s look at what a real apology should consist of. We have too many ‘faked’ and ‘sorry if’ statements going around out there. According to the article in the blog post and podcast write up (https://www.healthline.com/health/how...), there are seven steps and knowing when to apologize or not is the eighth. First, I say don’t read the 8th because generally the apologies are what needs work. Most don’t see the need for the apology to begin with. The seven steps in the article are:
1) Know why you are apologizing (my aside, this seems to be lacking in cases where there is a tone deaf apology)
2) Start with I’m sorry. (My aside, don’t add extraneous stuff that justifies why you did it…you just nullify your apology. Also I’m sorry if…NO. You’re sorry. There is no IF.)
3) Take responsibility for your actions but make it short (my aside for politicians and serious cases, run that by your legal team because you could face unintended consequences…yeah, I’m realistic that not everything is theoretically going to work for the better. Your legal and Public Relations team will help figure out how to make it less likely to end in a law suit.)
4) Focus on impact not intent of your actions (my aside, your intentions might be good but misguided, but people don’t care at this point you’ve done harm).
5) Take steps to make amends if and where appropriate.
6) Don’t overdo it.
7) Ask forgiveness. If you want more details, the article contains them. You don’t have to be the top of the line Manners pro to do a half decent apology.

For the most part, you don’t even have to go through every one of the steps…a half decent apology and recognizing why it was wrong is a huge start to not offending everyone with the apology. If you have learned something from the event rather than trying to explain it away, one stands a chance of mending things. I’m sure there are other articles, but for a ten to fifteen minute blog post and podcast, I have to keep it brief. I’m sure that there are many other articles out there that may give you as good or better information. However, this more or less covers the ethical concepts involved in apologies. The concept of understanding why it was offensive to begin with would have resulted in an apology that did not continue on the same bent. Obviously the apology explaining it or clarifying it, in the case of using First Nation experience to deal with first world problems was very clear in the fact that the full extent of what the statement had said was totally what I like to call a whoosh moment. I call it this as it makes a lovely whoosh sound as it flies over the heads of the person who made it. I’m not putting down the particular politician. It is a component of a poorly made apology and that qualifies in my humble opinion. Whether she had made it or someone totally unknown had made it, it was still a tone deaf answer to a serious faux pas.

As Benjamin Franklin is quoted as saying, “Never ruin an apology with an excuse.” This seems to be lost on some. Further as Jeannette LeBlanc is credited with saying, “The art of a sincere and heartfelt apology is one of the greatest skills you will ever learn.” So, there is hope for being able to address this problem because it is a skill one can learn. It definitely is a skill that would mend some fences and would be less likely to burn bridges. Some days on various forums, reading the news, I get a sense that many in positions of power seem to have forgotten that there is some importance to modelling good behaviour. It’s a shame as they and celebrities seem to be what citizens use as their role models nowadays. What we see online and in the news, the actions that we see from politicians, famous people and the world in general is what shows our children how to act in the world. Do we want to show them not to care for other human beings? Do we want them to think that no one has feelings and that it isn’t important that they have feelings? Do we want to teach them to make apologies that create more harm and discount the person they have harmed?

Remember what we, as people, allow to happen in our forums and in the world in general is what our children and our future are seeing and learning. This is what they will emulate. It isn’t easy with all the misinformation, hate speech and all the mess they have to navigate to form a sane and balanced view of the world. So, for those of you that like to call people snowflakes, get out a shovel…there’s a veritable storm being caused by not understanding why something that is said is wrong and why it matters! The main reason why a bit of etiquette can go a long way in teaching your children to form a better world is that “When you apologize for your mistakes and subsequently make an effort to correct them, you not only impart to your offspring the importance of taking responsibility for your actions, but also demonstrate the opportunity to learn from such mistakes.” Bethany Bridges. Whether you agree with me or not, I hope I made you think. Thanks for listening to my podcast and/or reading my blog post and thanks for your interest in A & J PEI Treasures! Keep watching because we’re always working on something. Thank you!

The podcast that matches this blog post can be found on Anchor FM: https://anchor.fm/a--j-pei-treasures/...

Blog Posts are available on
WordPress: https://aandjpeitreasures.wordpress.com/ and
GoodReads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show...

Podcast are available on:
Anchor FM in a variety of formats: https://anchor.fm/a--j-pei-treasures

iHeart Radio: https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-e-...

Podchaser: https://www.podchaser.com/podcasts/e-... name a few

All my e-books can be found on:
Smashwords (my Affiliate link): https://www.smashwords.com/profile/vi...

You can also find us on:
Twitter: https://twitter.com/EJS08026749
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC5zp...
Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.ca/ej2466
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/e-j-s-151a...
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AndrewAandJP...