(7/15) “Summer, Highland Falls. One of, if not the best, Billy...

(7/15) “Summer, Highland Falls. One of, if not the best, Billy Joel songs. Lyrically and musically. The left hand goes down the keys, playing the sad notes. The right hand goes up, playing the happy notes. There’s a point in the song where he says: ‘It’s either sadness or euphoria.’ And that’s me. That’s always been me. Tabatha calls me the sad clown. I hit a rough patch after Jack was born. Here was the thing that I’d always wanted; and there’s a cloud over me. I was filled with anxiety; I couldn’t shake it. At work I’d crawl into the closet with my walkie talkie, just to be alone. On the subway ride home I’d pull my hat over my eyes. As soon as I walked in the apartment I’d head straight to Jack’s room. I’d lay on the floor while he was napping. It calmed me down. Just to be near him. My beautiful, baby boy. He couldn’t sleep at night unless I was in the crib with him. After thirty minutes I’d try to sneak out. But his little hand would come up, and tug on my shirt. And it was back in the crib for me. Tabatha would come in at 4 AM to wake me up for work. I never wanted to miss a single moment. I’d take him to get the oil changed. I’d bundle him up, just to take him down the block. We still gathered at my mother’s house every Thanksgiving, Anthony, Steve, all the nieces and nephews, and we’d choose a day to see Santa. Same thing every year. We’d always meet at the top of the escalators. But the year that Jack turned three, something strange happened. We were winding through the maze when an elf came bounding up to us. I recognized her; she worked with me at the toy store. She leaned in close, and said: ‘Hi Johnny! Come work with us.’ I laughed. I was thirty-eight at the time. Way too old to be an elf. But too young to be Santa. I didn’t even consider it. But six months later Tony and Tina’s Wedding gets cancelled. And the very same week I get an email from Macy’s, requesting applications for the holiday season. I’m thinking: this is crazy. I’m too young. Too skinny. And way to Italian. But when they called me in for an interview, the first question they asked was: ‘Why do you love Christmas?’ I looked down at my watch, and said: ‘How much time do you have?’”