Still Rambling.

Let's ramble about me and God for a minute. I was born dead; that's really not where it began. I actually have remembrances, thoughts, visions, and ideas that took place in my mind and in my heart of things that occurred before I was born. There are people who will utterly disagree with me, but those are only people who have never experienced it. Those who do know what I'm talking about seem to smile quietly when I talk about my thoughts and remember gently the moments I cherish from before I was here; they remember too. It's just when you say it out loud and people haven't experienced it, they assume I'm conjuring images. Let them be dull. I know the truth. I was born dead, and I got better.

God and I have been really very close for a very long time. I was really very young when I first saw an angel in the hospital room of St. Anthony's hospital, I was just under three years of age. Though I had been in and out of the hospital all of my life due to my frail body, I don't remember much of the sickness whatsoever. I remember the doctors, the nurses, and my daddy coming to see me. I know my mom did as well, but I don't remember that. I remember my uncle Marvin, my aunt Wilma, and I remember who I call Sam, my Guardian Angel. He was the quiet one. Everyone else was laughing, hugging me, holding me, kissing me, dancing with me, and feeding me. Sam watched. I assume he reported back to God now and again, but mostly he just watched. I got better.

My parents were the type of parents who were always going to get up on a Sunday morning, eat, dress, and drive to church. I tell people I was born on a Wednesday and in church on Sunday, and that's true! It was and is a true fact. My mom and dad took my little less than a-week-old self all wrapped up, into the 40th Street Baptist Church in Oklahoma City between Pennsylvania and Classen, on the Northwest side of OKC. We were living in Bethany, Oklahoma at the time, but just before I was born my parents lived with mom's parents for about a day, and then about a month after I came. I came early. I was due on December 19th and arrived on November 22, again, dead. Mom was told to give me a name; she had one picked out, but it was for a boy because I was showing all the signs of being one. No ultrasound you understand. It was 1961. I fooled them! GIRL! My name was Judy Leigh. It's not Judy anymore. My daddy called me Jude, I changed it when I got old enough.

God and I talk all the time. I don't really ever say goodbye, but I do say "good night" and "good morning" because while He never sleeps, I do. He's the same every single day, and I get a kick out of asking Him how He's doing because I know the answer. He's the same. THANK YOU, God, seriously, thank you! Can you imagine if God changed? Wow, we would be in so much trouble. No, He's never going to change. That's why when He says yes, it is yes, and when He says NO, it is NO. We get a lot of No's I realize, but there's a good reason. I'm in the middle of a "yes" and though I know it won't ever change because He doesn't change, it's hard to keep the understanding behind the word. "Yes" can be really difficult at times. I hope it gets better.

About three years ago now, I was told, not asked, told, to pray for someone. I didn't know the man, and I still don't, but I know a lot about him. He's been on my mind, in my heart, in my prayers, and I can't stop doing what I was told to do. I wanted to stop. Oh, I wanted to stop about 100 times, but no, it can't happen. Yes is yes. No is no. I'm just going to have to face reality, and continue to dig into my past, and by past, I do mean from before I was born. The man was there too. He wasn't a man though. He was a boy. He was my friend. I know that now. I thought about it before. I wondered about it, and I questioned myself and my mind, but knowing is good. He was and is my friend. That's the reason God told me to pray for him. He trusts me. Even if he doesn't know that as a human now, he did, and he will again. God will take care of that, I was just told to pray. I don't do the hard stuff.

There are so many verses in the Bible, our guide to life, that instruct us to do what God calls us to do. He doesn't force us, but He can be persuasive; think Jonah. Think Jacob. Think Moses wandering. Think of the animals showing up all at the same time. Did you know that Noah had sisters and brothers, cousins, aunts, uncles, and friends, and not ONE OF THEM followed God; Noah's kin died. Noah was spared. Noah listened. He didn't have to. I guess what I'm saying is, I may be made fun of for what I am doing. I will be, and I have been cussed at, hurt by the one I pray for, I've been banned, I've been threatened. OK. I guess humans are what they are, but we weren't always human and we won't be later either - - I'm thinking I should do what I'm told and let the arrows fly. I have a Shield. I have a Shepherd too, He's a Good one. I'll be OK.

I see the hurt and I know why I was called upon. Time hasn't been good to my friend. I'm rather stubborn if you want to know the truth about it. God knew I wouldn't stop if I told Him, yes, and He knew that times were going to be rocky, in fact really bad for the man, the boy; my friend. We played together day in and day in again, as there was no night. It was too perfect. It isn't perfect now, far far from it. Financially, mentally, emotionally, personally, health, you name it, he's been through a wringer or twelve.

My friend, the man, may not want it, but he's got the prayers being lifted for him, sort of like when Sam stood there watching. He didn't really do much more than watch, but I'm really sure he spoke to God on my behalf. He still does. I am older now, and more mature, and I thank God daily for Sam. I thank God daily for love. I thank God daily for life. I thank God daily for the call; He thought enough of me to give it to me. He didn't ask anyone else. To my knowledge, NO ONE else is praying for this man on a daily basis; just me. Come to think of it, I don't have anyone (no one I know of) human anyway, who prays for me every day. That's really sort of cool. Sam must be because I'm still kicking! Jesus isn't finished with me yet. When He is, He'll let me know.

Life sucks sometimes. I know this. I don't have depression, anxiety, diabetes, PTSD, or any real mental or physical issues; my understanding of these things has been recent. I really wasn't all that compassionate about others with these issues until I began praying for my friend. He suffers from these and other issues that he's freely discussed in interviews and videos online. He's been through it; over and over again, and though he is still in the midst of these storms, he is not alone. He holds onto Jesus too! He's born again; when he goes to Heaven he'll be the same friend I had before I came here before we were separated by time and by space. It's hard to explain. Our minds are too limited. No one can explain the color hues you just have to experience them. A rose is a rose because it is a rose. No one can really explain it other than to go into a scientific breakdown, but God knew it would be what it is; His.

He tells the Heavens to rain, the Sun to shine, the Moon to pull, and the Earth to seed, reseed, grow, and reproduce. He tells the waters to wave, to hold still, to roar. He does that. All I have to do is know it. I don't do the hard stuff. I just say yes when I'm called. I let Him do the miracles. He's really really good at it. When I found Jesus He was standing next to me; He was playing in the sand with me. He was the very breath I took in; how could I say no to someone who loves me enough to keep me who and what I am? No, I may not be appreciated for what I do by others, but really, I only have to please Jesus. His is the smile I seek; so I said yes....and I'm not ever going to say no. It gets so much better! He promises. I don't have to. God can't lie. His yes really is yes.