A SURVIVOR WRITES

(** I received these two powerful letters from the same person -- I think you will appreciate the writer's perspective. **)

Part I

I just wanted to write to say thank you. I just received your book Why Does He Do That? the other day and I can't put it down. It's like someone has had a camera in my house for 12 years. For the first time I feel like I'm not going crazy! My ex was a Water Torturer mixed with Mr. Sensitive & Mr. Right. Since splitting up he's become The Victim to everyone else.

Things were bad enough when we were married but the torture and abuse he's put me through for the last 18 months since splitting up have been 1000 times worse: Trying to take my daughter; telling social services that I abuse and neglect her; he's taken all my friends & family (spent Christmas with my family at their house while my daughter and I were alone for the holidays with no cards, calls or anything); lied to my work colleagues, my daughter's school, my neighbours, police, the courts, and my daughter; he's totally alienated me, had me arrested, destroyed my business and all but destroyed my life; everyone thinks that I'm crazy and that I'm the violent, abusive, lying bully; he's put (and still putting) my daughter and me through hell, and I've never understood how all these people can fall for his charm, even when presented with absolute proof (I even took a polygraph test!) and how they can think so little of me and not see who he really is. But for the first time in over a decade things make sense! Someone understands and knows! I'm going to send copies of your books to our mothers, the school head teacher, social services, the court appointed guardian for my daughter, the judge...

My daughter remembers what he was like & sees right through him, she hates him & wishes him dead, but since she's only 5 the judge is of the opinion that she has no right to a voice in this. The stress of court-ordered forced contact has given her chest pains, palpitations, nightmares, made her confidence & behaviour plummet, she's wet herself, she calls him mean & a liar, she's been referred for counseling, but she won't be 5 forever, she just has to bide her time & I just have to keep fighting in the mean time & trying to help her through it.

Part 2

I'm a few weeks on now since finishing your book and the power has stayed with me. I feel so much more positive & in control, my depression has all but disappeared, it all makes sense at last. I'm continuing to fight and since reading your book I have been researching DV & contact after divorce etc. and am using this research in the various court battles. The headmistress at my daughter's school read your book on my request, as have some friends of mine, and she has since started supporting me and has said she's realized my ex has been lying to us both, causing the friction between us, and has requested that from now on before either of us react to anything we will check it with each other to prevent further manipulation by my ex. She's realized he's been playing her like a fiddle. I've also started a law degree, something I could never have done whilst under his control, and intend to use my experiences and research to help other women in the future once I'm qualified. You've shown me where my backbone is & reminded me who I am.

Again, thank you from me, and from my daughter who has a much stronger more confident mother now.