Getting Through A Creative Lull so You Can SHINE.

Happy December loves!

This is a bit of a personal post but I hope you find comfort in it all the same. I wanted to share ways to feel more confident in our work but there are so many factors at play with each individual, so instead I thought I’d share a couple things helping me through a creative lull. Perhaps you can relate.

Just last week, snow fell here in great plumes. It piled high around the house and our porch was windswept with white. The back roads were iced over and street lights illuminated swirls of snowflakes. It was magical. The weather has since warmed again, the snow melted, and a recent gloomy fall rain saturated everything in soggy grey. It feels like a setback - we were really getting into winter!

I can though, appreciate the grey lapse and what it offers even as I anticipate the return of snow. This is something I've come to accept in the process of making art. The lull - the empty, uncomfortable phase of the creative process where you wait for something magical to appear. It's one of the questions I get most often: how do you create work when you just don't feel like it? I'll be honest, I've been feeling pretty insecure about art the last couple of months. I show up because it's my job and I am committed to my work. I'm inspired, I guess, but not confident and I have so many doubts. I thought it'd be helpful to share them today but I realized I did that last December! Anyway, it’s not helpful for me to wallow too long.

Instead, I'm going to focus on moving through the discomfort, sharing three mental shifts - ways I’ve reframed how I think about myself and art. First - I understand, partly, where my lack of confidence is coming from and taking the time to articulate it is key. I think it’s a growing pain - and we’re always growing into new versions of ourselves. Second, I can shift my perspective and understand my work from a different lens. And third, I can appreciate the big open space that I've carved out for myself, filling it slowly, with purpose. All of these tools help ensure that I keep making art even when I don't want to (and believe me, sometimes I don't want to!)

Change is always hard. Moving is no exception. We've moved a lot and every time we show up in a new place, I'm knocked off my feet. Returning to my home state of Michigan, I thought, would surely be stabilizing. A sense of home and foundation I'd longed for. Turns out, moving home has somehow thwarted my confidence and I feel like my whole career has been a dream I was almost too busy to appreciate. The potential for creativity is here...I can feel it humming beneath the surface, but something unwelcome is here too. It's my childhood self, poised on the outside, but forever feeling fraudulent below. Coming home can do that to you. Painful memories, family drama, all the reasons it felt so freeing to flee - dulled by time but still present.

This coincides with a shift in my career. I left my agent in 2020, and have since been trying to reconfigure my work. I've turned down projects to make space for my own work, and luckily, I've found a way to do just that (I couldn't do it without you or my Patrons on The Dessert Club so thank you.) Even though I've arrived at the big open space I'd been moving towards, it's quiet and daunting. I rarely get emails or commissions. Even if we don't want to go to the party, we want to be invited right? It's ridiculous! Some days in my rural home studio, I feel lonely, washed up, like old news. The ways in which I've garnered my worth - being so busy I could hardly think, those days are behind me for now. I'm growing into something softer, something older. It feels strange to grow up...I still feel twenty some days, and then I see a nearly 37 year old woman in the mirror. What feels right, is taking time to let everything settle, and to see what blossoms from there. Just a simple growing pain.

Being in a lull sucks - it really does! But it usually means growth and change if you can see it through to the other side. Most of my breakthroughs come after a moment of creative despair, so hold tight and push through!

Growing as an illustrator is hard because we’re always in this middle ground - what we’ve done before - what someone is hiring us for - and what we want to do next.
I talk about moving into new territory here!

One of the ever present notions that gnaws at me is the fact that I don't often have fun while I'm making work. Or let's just say, it's rare, to be so wildly enamored by the process. I shared this recently in a post on The Dessert Club and one of the Patrons shared her perspective and I can't stop thinking about it. Essentially she said she'd given up on the notion that making art should be fun. The enjoyable part to her, was the sharing of the work itself, not the process of making it. Which totally makes sense! We all make art for different purposes and while the process is rewarding, it's not without struggle. Making art (especially for money) is not always going to feel euphoric.

Gratitude is essential and it's something I focus on. It can though, be the first thing to go out the window when our perspective is skewed. Scrolling through feeds of others traveling the world, cuddling babies, joining art collectives, living in cities with museums, having perfect houses, getting dream jobs and on and on. My gratitude disappears in these moments and I'm left feeling jealous and bitter. When I stay mostly off social media, my immediate surroundings become brighter and my voice seems more clear. This is an easy fix but yet I still fall into the scroll when I’m lonely or feeling less than, which, newsflash, makes everything worse.

Sometimes the lack of confidence we feel has nothing to do with the work at all but how we're approaching it. It helps to consider what we do love about the job or task, and focus on that. (More on motivation next month!)

If we spend endless hours comparing our lives and work to others, we're going to come up short. But take time to think about where you are and how you got here, not just how far you get to go. I have SO much to be thankful for - just to be making art for a living - is something I don’t take for granted.

Not death! Not the Universe! I'm talking about that blank paper feelin! You know it. When everything is possible and simultaneously terrifying so instead you rewatch Steel Magnolias (Oh Shelby!) or bake a wildly ambitious cake - anything but facing the BIG EMPTY SPACE. For years, I've worked to check off commitments so I could let my work flourish in a way that felt more true to me. I've been lucky working in children's publishing but have always felt something was missing. It was never my truest passion to illustrate other author's words for kids. But since everything has shifted and the last two contracted books are out in the world, and I'm technically free, it's kinda scary! I have so much to do that I almost don't know where to begin so I procrastinate and feel even less confident about tackling everything. I'm motivated by external pressure (hence me showing up here on the first of every month.) When no one is expecting anything from me, I wallow and overthink everything.

When my days are wide open - I am my client. I have to schedule out things, put learning in the calendar, be very focused about my deadlines and when I want to put things out in the world. And to really kick myself into gear, I’ll make commitments like shows and such that I know I’ll have to make work for.

You might not have a whole big empty space ahead of you. It might be a little residency, or a Summer off, or a week to create something you want. My advice would be to make something little by little and watch it grow instead of getting overwhelmed with the void.

If you’re trying to organize/plan/schedule new projects, this post might be helpful!

If you find yourself in a similar lully boat, just know it’ll pass. But it will pass with determination, and quite frankly, a little bravery. You have to show up anyway - it’s too easy to avoid making work because you’re scared of it. Hop back in the ring, put pen to paper and before long, I know you will SHINE.

 

Want a little extra shine? I put together a painting video of this month’s illustration. I worked with traditional gouache, a bit of acrylic gouache, and…a christmas ribbon! Find it on The Dessert Club!

 

OTHER NEWS

Huge thank you to everyone who bought a print!! Makes me very excited to be able to offer more products/prints/paintings. I love seeing them all framed up in your homes too! If you missed the sale, there’s just one day left to place an order. My shop will be closing tomorrow, Friday Dec 2 at midnight!

SHOP PRINTS!  

Ok loves - thank you SO much for being here every month. It means the world. I hope wherever you are, your week is winding down into a magical beginning of December. Drink lots of cocoa for me!
I’ll see you again soon. Until next time,

xo,
Becca