In Others' Words: Reconciliation

"In a quarrel, leave room for reconciliation." ~Russian proverb

So, my husband and me.

When we first got married we had different styles of fighting. Let's just say I was the more verbal one.

Neither of us were all that good at reconciling. I was quite good at holding my ground–and holding a grudge. Rob usually was the first one to apologize, but sometimes we hadn't even talked things out. How could things be resolved if he didn't even know why I was upset?

Fast-forward many years into the marriage. We were working through some tough issues — every couple has them. One of the things we had to learn was how to fight fair. Which meant Rob had to be willing to show up and I had to be willing to back down.

One of the key principles our counselor shared with us was this one: Don't let the problem come between you and your spouse. He actually placed an object between Rob and I (I can't remember what it was, maybe a book) and then moved it off to the side. The problem is the problem — but it doesn't separate you and the person you love.

Huh.

And here's another question he asked me one day: What is the path back into relationship? In other words, if I was angry with Rob, what could he do that would help me forgive him? Or if Rob was angry with me, what could I do that would help him forgive me?

This truth was life-changing for me — and life-giving to my marriage.

In Your Words: What does a fair fight look like to you?