Dialogue
I worry alot about the dialogue in my stories. I worry that I use too much, worry that I am over explaining a situation in my books or maybe the language is not quite right for the characters. It is the dialogue I find myself editing over and over again until i am happy with it. In some areas, when an idea strikes me, I find my writing can flow for hours, but I feel I find description easy (maybe a little exhausting in some cases) and emotional scenes. So I am sharing some dialogue to see what you make of it. Your comments, opinions and critism is most welcome. Do not worry I will not get insulted.
So here it is, an excerpt from my Twin Soul Novels:Lilith. Annette must keep Michael away from the dangers of her world before he is harmed.
"I need you to stay away from me, Michael."
I watched the shadows carefully. I felt their eyes on us.
"Not possible, Annette."
He grabbed my arms and turned me to face him. He was not gentle, but then he knew he didn't have to be. I was no fragile human woman. I was half demon, he knew it, and still he pursued me.
"Michael," I snapped at him, "Every moment you spend with me you are in danger. I told them I wouldn't see you any more."
"Told who? Why does it matter? Annette, I can not keep away from you. I don't…understand why. I just know I love…"
"Stop!" I covered his mouth hastily. The softness of his lips sent tingles reverberating beneath my skin. Just touching him was a thrill of power, lust and maybe, just…maybe. No. I shook my head and dropped my voice to a whisper, "Please, do not say the words. Please."
I turned from him and walked away, moving faster than I should in public. There were startled glances in my direction.
"Annette!"
Michael's voice was breathless. He was running to catch me. I cursed softly and ducked in to the closest alleyway, disappearing in to the darkness and merging with one of the many doorways to the Otherworlds. Using Lilith's power I darted through the unstable world I found myself in and reached out for a doorway back to reality. I stepped through and saw the flashing lights of the Juicy Jugular. I rolled my eyes. Of all the places to find myself in, I ended up at a vampire sex bar.
So here it is, an excerpt from my Twin Soul Novels:Lilith. Annette must keep Michael away from the dangers of her world before he is harmed.
"I need you to stay away from me, Michael."
I watched the shadows carefully. I felt their eyes on us.
"Not possible, Annette."
He grabbed my arms and turned me to face him. He was not gentle, but then he knew he didn't have to be. I was no fragile human woman. I was half demon, he knew it, and still he pursued me.
"Michael," I snapped at him, "Every moment you spend with me you are in danger. I told them I wouldn't see you any more."
"Told who? Why does it matter? Annette, I can not keep away from you. I don't…understand why. I just know I love…"
"Stop!" I covered his mouth hastily. The softness of his lips sent tingles reverberating beneath my skin. Just touching him was a thrill of power, lust and maybe, just…maybe. No. I shook my head and dropped my voice to a whisper, "Please, do not say the words. Please."
I turned from him and walked away, moving faster than I should in public. There were startled glances in my direction.
"Annette!"
Michael's voice was breathless. He was running to catch me. I cursed softly and ducked in to the closest alleyway, disappearing in to the darkness and merging with one of the many doorways to the Otherworlds. Using Lilith's power I darted through the unstable world I found myself in and reached out for a doorway back to reality. I stepped through and saw the flashing lights of the Juicy Jugular. I rolled my eyes. Of all the places to find myself in, I ended up at a vampire sex bar.
No comments have been added yet.
