What is Demonstrated Unreliability in Real Life?

“That’s considered demonstrated unreliability,” my husband explained one day long ago.

I’d never heard the term before, but I heard it often after that.

The definition is pretty straightforward:

Demonstrate: to clearly show by actions, words, and intentions.Unreliability: undependable, not trustworthy.

So, “demonstrated unreliability,” means a person proves they’re untrustworthy by their actions.

It applies in many areas.

Demonstrated unreliability on the job

This is pretty clear.

If you tell someone you will do something and you blow off the work you’re not trustworthy.

It’s the same if your actions are illegal or immoral. (Theft, lying, sexually harassing).

Would you trust this driver and your car?
(Photo by Isak Sandin on Unsplash)

The first time I heard the concept involved the Navy.

A young officer received a DUI (driving under the influence) and went to jail.

A DUI for someone operating a nuclear power plant meant they lost their job at that time.

How do you trust someone with a nuclear power plant if they get drunk on their off hours?

Demonstrated unreliability in personal relationships

Don’t we advise abused people to leave their relationships if nothing changes?

I used to think once was an accident or a mistake, but now I’m not so sure.

How can you physically harm someone you purport to love?

How can you trust such a person?

Male or female, the person demonstrated unreliability.

Mismanaging money, always arriving late, withholding affection, lying–how do you trust such people?

Once in a while is fine, but frequently? Their actions demonstrated unreliability.

With children

We have to love our kids. We hope for the best.

But if we don’t demonstrate trustworthy behavior, where do they learn it?

Would you trust them with feather pillows again? Photo by Allen Taylor (Unsplash)

I like to think grace helps in this arena.

A child’s demonstrated unreliability often can be traced to a lack of knowledge.

Or, needing to handle something outside of their maturity or ability.

By apologizing when I fail, I demonstrate how to behave when I prove untrustworthy.

(Alas, I need to improve. I apologize a lot).

At the same time, I need to extend grace when they fail.

(I wanted to add, “and turn it into a teaching opportunity.” That’s still a good response, but not if I consistently demonstrate unreliability myself.)

What did Jesus do?

Demonstrated unreliability is not a concept applicable to Jesus!

Jesus: “Feed my lambs,” to Peter–in forgiveness for his unreliability.
(Wikimedia Commons)

But, He anticipated his followers would struggle with the concept.

Peter, of course, was the disciple we all recognize as having failed Jesus–despite promising otherwise.

Jesus loves us. He forgives us. But, he also reminds us that “he who is faithful in little is also faithful in much.“

This is the verse that reminds us no one can serve two masters–he will love one and not the other.

So, the question to me is simple.

“Am I putting my own best interest in front of someone else’s? In so doing, am I demonstrating unreliability in that they cannot trust my word?”

When I put it that way, it becomes a question of my character and how much I love others.

And then?

Well, it’s time to apologize and start again–with a personal eye on being faithful rather than selfish.

Jesus loves me, yes.

But aren’t we asked to be more like him than ourselves?

Maybe we, like Peter, need to be reminded to “feed Jesus’ sheep,” rather than ourselves, first?

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