How I realized I’m a mess without Jesus

I used to compare my behaviors to the worst human behaviors that I knew about. By that standard I believed that I was a good person with a good inner instrument panel. Then one day I had an encounter with the living Jesus Christ, and He became a continual real presence and guide in my inner life and gave me a hunger to read the Bible. The more I read it, the more I began to see that although by my outward behaviors I considered myself to be a good person, my thoughts, desires, feelings, and opinions were full of sin.

Then I began to see that many of my outward behaviors were also sinful. I tried to stop them, but some held me so tightly in bondage that all I could do was cry to Jesus for mercy, forgiveness, and deliverance. Gradually I began to see that my sin was deeper than my behaviors and realized that I was a sinner by nature. I began to ask God to set me free from the bondage of self. That’s when He began to show me that I need to die to self (my old man–my human nature–the faulty instrument panel in my inmost being) and I wrote these words:

Watching your old man dieMakes you want to cry,Seeing all your hopes and dreamsTake their wings and fly.I know that old manHis name is myself,But I can’t help him now,He belongs to someone else.Cause, Jesus, I gave myself to you,Said you can doWhatever you want to.But watching him dieIs such a painful thingAlthough, I knowNew life it will bring.It’s hard to say,“Lord, have Your way.”That old man sticks aroundAnd says He’s gonna stay.He moans and groans in agonyTill I just can’t bear to see,Then he grabs me by the handAnd says, “Save me boy, I’m your old man.”Jesus, I give myself to you.Go ahead and do whatever you want toTo me.[image error]Pexels.com" data-medium-file="https://stevesimms.files.wordpress.co..." data-large-file="https://stevesimms.files.wordpress.co..." src="https://stevesimms.files.wordpress.co..." alt="" class="wp-image-33715" />Photo by Maddy Freddie on Pexels.com