“It’s None of My Business,” and Worry

“It’s none of my business,” I remind myself way too often.

That helps when I’m tempted to worry about things outside of my control.

“It’s none of my business,” also can curb juicy gossip.

Or enable tough love.

Let’s take a look at the concept.

What does it mean “it’s none of my business?”

I use it as a reminder to drop a topic.

It’s generally considered a semi-rude response to a completely rude question.

As in, “it’s none of your business.”

The implication is someone–or even me–is making a judgment about someone else’s life.

Unless I’m directly involved in the decision or the results, I can leave it alone and not worry about it.

America Magazine, the Jesuit Review, has a similar reaction:

It can be an acknowledgment that we must respect the right of others to self-determination and personal privacy.

America Magazine September 20, 2004

With this concept, we can understand why to ask questions we have no need to know can be impertinent at best.

Intrusive at worst.

Tough love at best.

And only invite unnecessary worry for parents who, like me, often struggle with this idea.

But is it tough love or genuine concern?

That depends on the attitude of the heart of those asking the question.

As well as what the person being questioned interprets the reason behind the question!

The Duchess would have more time if people would mind their own business! (John Tenniel; Wikimedia Commons)

America Magazine asked a pertinent question in the same article:

On the other hand, it can be used as an excuse for not stepping in to help when it is clear that another needs our help.

The phrase has almost become a motto for a society in which individuals are so totally absorbed in their own life projects that they fail to consider the common good.

America Magazine September 20, 2004

In my observation, the problem usually lies with the reason behind asking the question and how it’s answered.

As in, the interpretation is in the ears of the listener.

Frankly, I’d never heard the Jesuit concerns before in regards to this statement.

A history of the idiom

Apparently this is an old problem.

The Free Dictionary by Farlex provided more insight into “none of one’s business:”

Not one’s concern, as in ‘How much I earn is none of your business.’ 

This expression employs business in the sense of “one’s affairs,” a usage dating from about 1600. 

idioms/ The Free Dictionary.com

The Free Dictionary continued: “To refrain from meddling, to keep to one’s own affairs.”

It listed several historical and notable works where the caution appeared:

The Jumping-Off Place
(modern cover)Plato: “Defines justice as minding one’s own business.”Seneca: Semper meum negotium ago. (“I always mind my own business”).The Bible in 1 Thessalonians 4:11: “Aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands, as we instructed you.” (ESV)Lewis Carroll in Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland: “The things most people want to know about are usually none of their business.“Carroll also observed: “Mind your own business, then you’ll go a lot faster.“

There’s also the slangy term, “none of your beeswax,” from the 1930s.

The phrase first appeared in the July 30, 1928 San Francisco Examiner:

Withering retort, 1906—
“None of your beeswax!”

Word Origins

Perhaps Marian Hurd McNeely saw the reference. She published the Newberry Honor Book, The Jumping Off Place, in 1929.

My response to “It’s none of my business.”

It’s amusing to read the above.

I use it a different way, however. (Perhaps I’ve been a mother too long).

When I’m tempted to question someone’s decision, or to worry, I remind myself, I’m not in charge of someone else’s decision.

That’s particularly helpful when I’m speaking to one of my adult children.

Some fellow-moms fret, “What will happen if I don’t intervene?”

When it’s not my child, and sometimes if I’m good when it is, I reply, “they’ll learn an important lesson–their own way.”

Isn’t that how you prefer to live?

Tweetables

The origin and relief of “It’s none of my business.” Click to Tweet

Tough love or relief: “It’s none of my business.” Click to Tweet

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