What’s the Opposite of Love? It’s Not Hate
What is the opposite of love? I remember the first time I heard this question at a retreat. I thought the answer was obvious. Of course, it’s hate.
But the retreat leader said that hate was a common wrong answer. From ancient philosophers to modern-day neuroscience and psychology, the agreed-upon answer is fear. Hate is considered a downstream emotion.
At first, I had a hard time buying it. Fear? Really? But as we talked about more examples, it started to make sense.
We fear rejection, failure, looking stupid, being wrong, etc. We fear situations and people that might create these experiences. That fear shows up as frustration, stress, discouragement, insecurity, and so on.
But when we love a situation, a challenge, a person, or an opportunity, we feel optimism, gratitude, empathy, and curiosity.
Now I think of how this applies to Positive Intelligence and Shirzad Chamine’s description of our Saboteurs that operate out of fear versus our Sage that comes from a place of love. Our Saboteurs arise from our survival instinct, which is always on the lookout for threats and dangers. Sounds a lot like fear.
Our Sage is our true essence, our best self, that has compassion for ourselves and others. It has patience while also setting boundaries. It has discernment while also accepting others. It sees the gift when things go wrong.
So when we’re feeling stressed, upset, or down, we could ask ourselves what we’re afraid of. If we can identify the fear, it may help us resolve our feelings. If I’m feeling stressed because I feel like I have too much to do, I may discover that it’s a fear of letting people down, missing a deadline, or losing my job. Now I can explore these possibilities. What’s the worst that will happen? How likely is it to happen? What can I do to lower the risk or change the outcome? Is it having a conversation? Having a backup plan? Telling myself a different story?
Think of something that’s stressing you out or bringing you down. See if this approach can help.
