Being the “Good” Horse Isn’t Easy.

People want to tell me about their challenging horse, the quirky one, the scary one, the kill pen (scam) horse. I’m not complaining; it’s my job. The reactive horse that speaks their truth loud and clear is the one we pay attention to, and for good reason. When a horse’s anxiety is visible and perhaps edging toward dangerous, it’s good to bring in a trainer for ideas to help.

It seems a natural human trait to compare and judge. If there is a “bad” horse, the other is the “good” horse. If there is a very “good” dog, the other dog is a “bad” dog. (Remember, some of us prefer “bad” dogs!) I usually try to leave people out, but in my experience, there is usually the “good” sister, by family judgment, and the “bad” sister. We like to compare and contrast; we like it black and white, good and bad, easy and hard.

(Quotation marks here are intentional. The first thing we need to give up to progress with animals is any kind of judgment, and it is our nature to quantify. I am not saying there are good or bad animals; it’s only our perception that calls them that.)

The problem with superficial judgment is obvious. If we’re honest, we can’t remember a time anything was as simple as black and white. We live in the gray area with animals, always trying to understand more. Two of my rescue dogs are reactive. One has been barking nonstop since 2014 and one lays on his bed submissively wagging his tail while lifting his lip in a smiling sneer, which means neither of those things. Both struggle with anxiety. My third dog manages well, but I protect his mental health. I know the challenges he faces living with reactive dogs or traveling with me on the road. Most of all, I know that all three dogs started out in much the same way; it’s interacting with humans that formed their lives before they came to me.

Back to horses, who may be more challenging to understand than dogs. Sometimes the “good” horse is standing nearby and as we talk about the challenging horse, I keep one eye on each. The “good” horse is quieter but no less sensitive. They stand with half-closed eyes, they appear more lazy or calm as the troubled horse flags their tail, moves restlessly, and tosses their head. Their emotions are the same.

It’s easy to make an unfair judgment in cases like this, even if you live with them. We might make the mistake of thinking that the horse with the most anxiety is the alpha horse, but that isn’t true. It’s the squeaky wheel that gets the grease, we say. But what we might miss those quieter calming signals from the “good” horse in the noise of the situation.

In a herd environment emotions and feelings are fluid and everyone feels them, although they may be expressed differently. Bravado and shyness are both insecure expressions, but for humans, one is easier to be around. We want horses to be calm but isn’t the truth a better answer?

All horses are stoic, it’s always smarter for a prey animal to hide weakness. Beyond that, there are breed differences. A Thoroughbred or Arabian is likely to be more overt than a Quarter Horse or a Draft breed. There is much to consider but my concern is that we dismiss the anxiety when we could help. All horses are stoic as long as they can be. They tolerate what they can but when they get too emotionally out of balance, cracks begin to form in their false exterior. Eventually the most stoic and calm horse can break and become erratic and broken.

The line between a “good” horse and a “bad” one is always in flux. We impact it more than we know. The simple and exhausting truth is that we can never take anything for granted with horses.

“Never mind her, she’s fine,” the owners say. Are we judging which horse has the best way to hide anxiety? It isn’t sustainable. Horses are stoic as long as they can be. They do not seek confrontation but they are as impacted by their surroundings, their culture, as humans are. It’s as if the herd has one overall emotion, dressed in different coat colors.

Humans say if it isn’t broken, don’t fix it but that belies the fact that there is a space in between where we can affirm and strengthen a horse’s confidence. We need to work in the gray area before horses come apart.

One horse might call uncle first and give in to the pressure in ways that are painful for them and inconvenient for us, but the other horse is impacted as well, holding their breath as long as they can. Shutting down is a reaction as important and potentially dangerous as bucking or bolting. We must help the horse visibly struggling but at the same time, never take the “good” horse for granted.

I’m not looking to make trouble where, as far as you know, none exists. But in this horse/human conversation, none of us is static. We are each on a tendency of habit, arcing in the direction of better or worse. It is remarkable how much horses relax when acknowledged. Sometimes we exhale with that stoically calm horse with eyes that are just a bit too quiet, and they will give a tiny lick and release their poll an inch. It’s a tiny but crucial conversation. Just a nod that we know they have feelings.

Reactive horses need us to quiet our voices, to give a sense of peace. They need us to not overtly react to their reactiveness but rather give them a safe place to breathe. But also keep an eye on the stoic but not less emotional horse. Turn up the volume on their calming signals, listen to their still, small voice. Give it equal importance, being the “good” horse is a stressful job.

This is just a well-intentioned reminder that all horses were born “good”. Horses need more protection and acknowledgment, and less discipline and correction, to stay that way.

…

Anna Blake, Relaxed & Forward

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