Anyone else crushin’ on those Beta Guys?

Last week’s Hollywood Reporter featured the actors from the HBO comedy Silicon Valley, with the heading, “Triumph of the Beta Male”.

When I saw it I fist-bumped the air. At last!

Since the very beginning of my writing career, I’ve self-described my heroes as beta males. I’ve wanted them to contrast the more typical hero. I’ve wanted to celebrate all that I love and trust and am grateful for in the beta male.

Not everybody sees it that way. Immediately upon release of the “Triumph” cover, many alarmists and critics of the entertainment industry were up in arms. They saw the glorification of men who are not demanding to be in charge as a threat to our culture. Somehow, red-blooded American men should all be the boss. They should all play quarterback. They should all shrug off caution and seek danger at every turn.

I could almost roll my eyes.

It’s not that I don’t like and appreciate alpha males. I enjoy a great story about the famed Olympic medalist, the unflappable flame jumper or the sexy Billionaire CEO as much as the next reader. Those stories should always be out there. But all the stories don’t have to be like that. All the heroes don’t need to be that type.

I’ve always had a real soft spot for the beta hero. I deem the beta hero as the regular guy.

With a quick caveat to say, there’s a lot of difference between a character in a book and a real live person. The absolutely most well-written character can’t hold a candle to the complexity of the most ordinary human. No actual humans were used in the creation of these generalized characters. Okay, maybe a few actual humans, but they’ll remain nameless.

The thing about alphas, in my humble opinion, is that a lot of it is about posturing. Like the gorilla that finds it necessary to beat his chest, alphas see constant threats to their power. In order to stay on top, they’ve got to always be on top. Therefore weakness is the enemy. They see the story of Achilles as a warning. They must struggle to be tough all over and writers milk this drama into a million stories a year. Poor alpha and his forever need not to feel.

Feeling is not the only weakness alphas avoid. They have to KNOW everything about everything (sometimes abbreviated as know-it-all). And they can’t ever be mistaken, certainly never just plain wrong. Therefore the universe, which includes the book’s heroine, revolves around them.

Say what?

Romance novels are supposed to be about women. Women’s Fiction even says it’s about women. So why would a writer choose to write about an alpha male?

I don’t. As a novelist, I’ve been writing about beta males my entire career.

I started with a guy who gets pushed into marrying a woman he hardly knows (Heaven Sent). She chose him. He had to live with it. In my second book, the heroine is the farm owner and he’s her employee (Courting Miss Hattie)

None of my heroes have ever controlled events, laid down the law or even rescued a damsel in distress. Because I like stories that feel more authentic to me. Stories that feel more like the life I know.

I’ve taken some hits for that. I’ve had people work-splain-me that fiction is about fantasy and a woman’s fantasy is the alpha male. Always has been. Always will be.

Honestly, I’m not so sure about that.

I was not quite a teen when the question at school was, “Who’s your favorite Beatle?” The rebel wannabees chose alpha male, John. The more romantically inclined chose alpha-challenger, Paul.

But you know, I liked George. And I wasn’t alone.

By the time I got to college, I was convinced of my grandmother’s axiom of there being “a lid for every pot”. And I was simply not a young woman who found any interest in the well-muscled jock or student government president. Both of my serious college boyfriends, Ding and Mountain Goat (yes, those were their actual nicknames) were pretty chill, laidback beta guys.

The thing I like about betas is that they’ve got guts.

What?

No, the beta might not be the first guy you’d turn to in a bar fight. But if a bar fight is happening, they’ll be doing whatever it takes to protect themselves and you; and that may involve dragging you under a table rather than throwing a punch.

However, most of life is not a bar fight. A lot of it is folding laundry and drying tears and combing the tangles out of somebody’s hair. The alpha male finds those needs threatening. He’s got so much to lose.

Many years ago my husband and I were on a little vacation in Guadalajara, Mexico. In the evening, when we returned to our hotel, we had to walk by a bar downstairs. The dark, slightly seedy place was full of American ex-pats. I caught the eye of an older gentleman who looked me up and down and then said, “What a dog!”

I was so shocked that I kept walking. By the time we got on the elevator, I was tearing up. For all that sticks & stones don’t break your bones, when one gets unexpectedly insulted, having a reaction is natural. My husband hadn’t heard the man say it and he seemed very concerned that I get up to our room and get a nice relaxing bath.

That’s what a sweet husband will do, understand that a hot bath soothes a lot of hurts.

While I was soaking, my mild-mannered congenial husband went down to the seedy, Guadalajara bar and confronted the man who’d done me wrong.

He tells it so much better than me that I’m not going to even try, but the punch line is that the gentleman assured him that he’d said, “What a doll!” He’d meant it as a compliment.

They ended up having a beer together. Do you think an alpha male could have pulled that off?

I want to write the kind of hero who is secure enough in his own masculinity that being considered a beta male doesn’t feel like a threat.

You go, guys!

 

Before I go…

I’m so excited to be gifting you with the first edition of Front Porch, a new magazine from The Write House, your favorite Women’s Fiction authors under one roof. I had basically zero to do with how great this turned out, but I’m so proud of the group and so eager to share. It seems to me the perfect mix of interviews, personal stories, writing advice and new fiction. Check it out and if it’s your cup of tea, be sure to visit us online.

 

 

 

 

 

-Pam