Because One Day I Will Die

Years ago, investment advisers told everyone to put their money in real estate.  That didn't work out.

Then they told everyone to put their money in stocks.  That didn't work out either.

So I have a new alternative.

Me.

That's right.  Buy books signed by Stephan Pastis and when I die, you'll be rich.

And rest assured, I will die.  That is my guarantee to you.

And that is why I today I went to THIS bookstore and THIS bookstore and signed books, so that you, the fan, can retire comfortably.  They...