Vampyr by Carl Th. Dreyer

VAMPYR
by Carl Th. Dreyer
(review by Jhaegar Holdburn)

Ya know, I'm not afraid to admit I don't know how to like...say his name? Is that the proper word, "Say?" Like, I know his middle name's Theodore, but it's always Th. Does that mean I'm supposed to say, "Carl Theodore Dreyer," or, "Carl Tee Ache Dreyer," or, "Carl Thhhe Dreyer," or like actually why? Why is this actually hard?

But yeah, the movie. It kind of struck me as weird the first time I saw this film cuz the main power shot of the film (the vampire in the hat--or the shadow, I guess--maybe?--holding the scythe and it's real ominous and) and it comes so early in the film--like within fifteen minutes, I think? And it's like, "Whoa dude, ("Whoa, take it easy, man") give us some time to breathe and--ya know?" But is that necessarily Th.'s fault cuz it's not like he designated what shot from his film would become iconic? Then again, he kind of did by making that the most memorable and haunting shot by--cuz the later shot's are nice, but not AS nice or impactful cuz by that time, the pace's been ruined by this sort of...

See? It's hard to even grasp the film cuz the pace is thrown off so quickly...but it's not thrown off due to any fault of Th., but due to the preconceived notions the audience has of the film cuz if anyone has ever heard of Vampyr then they've seen The Shot cuz it's literally always The Shot and when it arrives so quickly we automatically think to ourselves, "That's it?"

I heard Marlon Brando was a lot like that...different reasons, though...

And when people include vampires in their dumpy horror scrips and list them as "vampyrs," like, go to Hell. Like, actually. Just die. I'm well aware I'm edgy ("edgy") but I at least have enough self-awareness to realize it. You won't see no vampyrs from Jumpin' Jh. Holdburn, now will ya?!?!

Two and a Half (Oh, is this my first needlessly subjective half-star score?) out of Four