Careful with complacency and fixed ideas
I’m re-realising that I need to be careful with the stories I tell myself about myself, other people, life, and the world. This narrative I’m creating about who I am and what I want. The lies. The fears that speak so confidently that I think they’re true.
That I’m a weak person. I can’t handle hard things.
That I’m holier-than-thou and judgemental only because I’ve analysed myself and so I know better.
That I don’t like this thing or I can’t do that thing or that’s not me.
It’s disturbing. And wrong. And sad.
I think it hurts because I felt like I’d grown past this. That I was self-aware enough to notice these things and not subscribe to these narratives. But alas, I’m reminded that self-growth is a journey and it’s not linear. You’re not bad and then good. Broken and then healed. Unaware and then self aware.
Your attention, beliefs, actions, and words will ride waves continuously over time.
It’s funny because with some people, I truly hate everything that comes out of my mouth. I feel inferior. I feel stupid, mostly. Inexperienced. Then with others (a smaller number), I feel better than them. Smarter. As if I’m right and they’re obviously wrong because I’m more intelligent and enlightened and self-aware than they are.
I flip between the extremes.
I think that’s the problem here. I was saying to my husband not too long ago that I value balance. He asked me to explain. I said that extremes are dangerous. Wholly subscribing to one idea, belief, or way of life over another is not healthy. We need ebbs and flows. A bit of this and a bit of that. If nothing else, we at least need to always remain open to the idea that we can be wrong. That what we believe, no matter how good and right it might sound to us (or the majority), still might not be the whole story. That other people and opinions have something to offer us so we can’t close ourselves off to these things.
Balance doesn’t mean equal parts of something. I means embracing spectrums and grey areas and this-thing-inside-of-that-thing and an awareness that we can’t have the full picture without opening our eyes and minds to possibilities. It’s being aware of and living by the idea of avoiding fixed extremes; polar opposites on a spectrum.
Consider how often you (like I think I subconsciously do) go searching for things that validate your own beliefs and experience. Instead of being genuinely curious and open to other perspectives, multiple truths, or hard evidence against your beliefs. Basically, do you genuinely allow yourself to be wrong about things? Does it hurt when you’re wrong? Do you get defensive? Or worse in denial about it?
It’s not something to beat yourself up about, simply something to explore. Because a healthier, open-minded, intelligent person (like I want to be) doesn’t get so easily hurt by being wrong or “losing” – which is how it feels.
Why am I in competition with everyone?
I’m really taking some time in the contemplative moody autumn/winter to explore where my need to be right comes from. Where my competitiveness comes from. There is, of course, such thing as healthy competition. This inspiration to do and be better; push yourself a healthy amount to new heights. But being competitive all the time, so much so it hurts you to be wrong, is not fun. You so easily feel stupid, weak, boring, or like a failure just because someone knew something or could do something you thought you did. It’s not a nice feeling. And it causes more problems than needed.
Be careful with complacency. Thinking you know everything. You’re so sure. You’re right.
Be careful with fixed ideas and belief systems. They are harming you. They are keeping you in the dark. They are narrowing your point of view.
Be careful with thinking you are better than other people. Don’t decide who they are (or who you are) and fix yourself to a narrative about them and their views.
Embrace humility. Don’t downplay your worth or beat yourself up, but know that, like Jon Snow, you know nothing! And that’s okay. That means there’s room for you to be a learner. Always a learner. To actively listen and interpret and go deeper with new insights and explore.
“The wise man knows he knows nothing, the fool thinks he knows all.“
Sincerely,
S. xx
