You’re Going to Fail: The Choice Not to Use Social Media

You're going to fail: the choice not to use social media

A couple of weeks ago I sat in a one-on-one coaching session at a writers’ conference. 

This is how the session began:

Coach/mentor:  Hello, N. Ford, how can I help?

N. Ford: I know how effective social media can be for spreading the word about my novel, but it’s not the right choice for me right now. Can you offer coaching on how to best use my author website?  I’m sure I can use it more effectively. 

Coach/mentor:  You’re not using social media? 

N. Ford: No.

Coach/mentor:  You need to start right away. 

N. Ford: I understand its benefits and its efficacious marketing nature, but it’s not the right tool for me right now. Can you help me use my author website more effectively? 

Coach/mentor:  No.

 N. Ford: No?

Coach/mentor:  No.  If you won’t use social media, you’re going to fail, and I can’t work with you. 

The session continued for another forty minutes and included the coach/mentor deep diving his own social media and showing me how it has worked for him.  I reminded him that I was hoping for coaching on how better to use my author website, but he couldn’t see past my choice.  To him, opting out of social media equals failure, and it was his job to talk me out of it. 

I think we both left discouraged. 

He, shaking his head in disbelief and frustration that I wouldn’t see reason. 

Me, feeling unseen and unheard. 

 

There’s a lot about this interaction that I could dissect for learning, but I want to talk specifically about social media. 

There’s no questioning its efficacy.  It is, undoubtedly, a tremendous tool for marketing and communication.  Its reach is beyond anything I can achieve in person or by word of mouth. But in my context, that’s not the point.  I don’t share this as an indictment on anyone who uses social media.  I’m glad if it works for you.  My choice not to use it speaks for me; not for you. 

The truth is that I cannot use social media without comparing.

I can’t help but get the happy juices when people respond positively to my posts.

I can’t help but feel blue when they don’t.

I can’t help but glean a little validation from the ghosts behind the wall and when they’re absent, I notice.

I cannot separate social media from self-promotion.

Moreover, I don’t want to live life trying to capture every post-worthy moment for someone else’s affirmation.  I don’t want to seek validation from people I rarely, if ever, see in real life – or those whom I’ve never even met.  I don’t want to look at other people’s posts and fight the thoughts that they might be living a more interesting life than me. 

It’s been over six years since I’ve interacted with social media and they’ve been the freest, most joy-filled years I have ever known. 

I know that a social media platform means influence.  I know it means followers.  I know a social media platform means sales.  I know a social media platform is what publishers look for to qualify whether an author is worth investing in or not.  I know it means a big reach and a lot higher potential for a lot bigger pay day. 

But from the beginning of this journey, I have felt convicted over the importance of this phrase: Soli Deo Gloria. Literally translated it means ‘glory to God alone’. 

This journey isn’t about me. 

It’s not about sales.  It’s not about how big I can build a following or how many people I can get to like a post.  God gave me a story to write and I wrote it.   And He’s sold books for hundreds of years without the help of social media. 

If you use social media, I’m glad for you.  It likely means you and I are built very differently.  If you think The Refuge is something worth spreading and you want to help – use your platform to help spread the word.  But please only do so if you want to, if you feel moved to, and if you feel like it’s something worth sharing. 

If you’re reading this and realizing that social media hurts you – your social, mental, emotional, or spiritual health, I invite you to set yourself free of it. 

It is one of the healthiest decisions I’ve ever made, and I’ve never regretted it. 

So, for now, my choice will not be swayed.  It’s the right thing for me to not use it – and maybe it’s the right decision for you too.  And if you’re reading this and thinking this may be a good new word for you, can I be the first to tell you…

You don’t have to use it.    

Social media does not validate you.  It doesn’t qualify you.  The ghosts behind the wall cannot give or take away your value.  The pressure you feel to perform against other social posters; measure up to arbitrary levels of ‘success’ or ‘popularity’; or somehow portray a life more interesting than your neighbor’s is not at all a part of the abundant life God promised for you.  If it’s you who needs to be set free, let this be your invitation; your permission; your freedom bell.  

Whether I sell one book, or one million, I want to do it in a way that honors the call that was placed on my heart – Soli Deo Gloria.  And today, that means doing something so countercultural and so outrageous that I get to be told I will fail, and that people won’t work with me. 

Well then, this one goes out to the losers.  Y’all got room for one more? 

The post You’re Going to Fail: The Choice Not to Use Social Media first appeared on The website of N. Ford.