Not Letting Bipolar Define Me
Photo by juan mendez: https://www.pexels.com/photo/smiling-woman-looking-upright-standing-against-yellow-wall-1536619/For the first time in a while, I did myself a huge favor. I listened and danced to some music to get me in the mood. I played Buga by Kizz Daniel and started to sing and dance.
That song is slowly becoming my anthem. My mother also loves the song and often sends me videos from Instagram or Tiktok of people dancing to that song to cheer me up. Thanks, mum. I love you for that. Abeg let me flex joor!! I be Naija babe and I am proud of it jare!!
As I mentioned in a previous post, I was diagnosed with Bipolar; Bipolar II to be precise. My mother feared how people, especially Nigerians, would treat me should they ever find out.
Now let me break something down here. Africans are not the most friendly individuals to discuss mental health issues with. As far as they are concerned, anyone with any form of mental disability is not normal. Once they hear the word “bipolar,” they automatically assume that you are a mad person.
For those that do not know, bipolar disorder is mental health illness that causes unusual shifts in mood, energy, activity, etc. Some often mistake it for depression and ADHD, which are completely different, but symptoms from the latter two disorders can also be found in Bipolar.
I remember being depressed for several years without understanding why and I would often feel like crying, and sometimes, I would cry myself to sleep. I often had suicidal thoughts as well. This is part of the depressive phase, which I still deal with.
Then we have the manic phase. During this phase, I get energetic and excited for no reason and would sometimes be cheerful to a sickening degree and hyper. My poor mother panics whenever I a going through those phases. She is still trying to understand, but she is extremely supportive and also tries to be careful with what she says to me since I am very sensitive.
My sisters are also supportive, and my boyfriend, surprisingly, still does not quite get it yet. Bless his soul, though. A great support system makes me feel better and snaps me out of self-pity mode. It is tempting to wallow in sorrow. That never ends well.
This is why I am trying to meditate and document my feelings in a journal so that I understand myself better. It has been working so far. I am also learning to appreciate people a lot more.
I take medication as the doctors have instructed and try to eat as healthy as possible. I also try to do some exercise even though I am a lazy cat for the most part.
A note of advice to anyone going through mental health disorders: do not let it define you. Rather, use that as a strength. Let people judge. They did not create you or the life you are currently living. Be yourself and love yourself always. I have a dream. I have an ambition and will not let anyone or anything stop me from achieving it. Watch out, world, because here I come!!
[image error]Not Letting Bipolar Define Me was originally published in CRY Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.
