This rumor would be handled very, very differently now.

26. Sweet Valley High: Secrets – Kate William

I read more of the Super Chillers and Sweet Valley Kids series when I was younger, so I was not familiar with Jessica Wakefield’s enduring lust for Bruce Patman until I read this because there is a telephone on the cover. Nothing will stop Jessica. Nothing! She will try her best to ruin lives so she can be the queen of the dance with Bruce Patman…even though it seems like he dates college girls, which mostly says a lot about those college girls.

Jessica accuses a teacher of dating/making out with a student in a rather blase manner, not realizing how ruinously evil that is. All the students seem to think this is totally funny too, it’s super weird. And she takes Elizabeth’s best friend Enid’s sordid drug addict/car accident hitting a child while high past and uses it to break Elizabeth and Enid apart and also break Enid away from her controlling piece of shit boyfriend Ronnie, who she’s clearly scared of, so she did do one good thing with her creepy meddling. I guess I forgot in the somewhere near 30 years since I was reading about the Wakefield twins that Jessica was wildly ruthless. I did remember that Lila is stuck up. That was unforgettable.

 

No really, please tell me more about this Bruce Patman fellow, how has he wrangled college women into coming back to high school? Finny asks the important questions. It’s the moustache, Finny, he looks older.

 

You know who’s really good at keeping secrets and starting rumors to get someone where they want them? Pagan apple farmers.
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