On getting ready to wait…

The American poet Tom Petty once said, “The waiting is the hardest part.”

I feel really weird lately. Like, it’s an odd mixture of sadness and excitement. So much change has happened in my life lately, and my life isn’t what I thought it’d be, but I don’t know if it ever really is. There’s that famous saying that goes, “Humans make plans so God can laugh,” or something like that.

On Thursday, I left Florida to drive up to New Jersey. I made great time even though I drove through a lot of stormy weather. I stopped for the night in North Carolina and I realized a couple of things. One is that I really, really love sleeping in hotel rooms. I can make the room as dark and as cold as I want. I can spread out across a bed, tangled in sheets and a thick blanket. Another is that breakfast is my favorite meal of the day. Coffee, orange juice, biscuits smeared with grape jelly, fluffy scrambled eggs, crisp bacon, sausage…I set my alarm to make sure I could have some of the free breakfast in the lobby.

The weather was worse than it had been the day before, and a cleaning woman pushing a trash can was staring pointedly in my direction when I was making coffee. I apologized and told her I’d be out of her way in a second, but she smiled. She told me not to worry, that I wasn’t in her way, and that she was just looking at the rain through the window. She also told me she hated this weather, and that the hotel would be lonely and cold and depressing. I didn’t know what to say.

I hit traffic from Virginia to New Jersey. I was sore and tired, but there’s nothing like northern New Jersey in the summer. I was staying with my friend Brandi in Newfoundland, and the drive to her home is gorgeous. There’s rolling hills and green fields, and lakes shimmering in the sunlight. As I got closer to her neighborhood, the roads become narrower and more winding and I felt like I was somewhere else. When I parked, I could smell barbecue on grills and I could hear kids screaming laughter and it just felt like home.

I stayed with my friend for two nights before I left to come to Melanie’s house in the neighborhood I grew up in. Maybe that’s why I feel weird, because the sense of displacement I’ve had for the last 18 months is still weighing me down. I’m home, but I’m not, not really. I’m still couch surfing and am leaving in less than 48 hours. I feel like I can’t relax. My good friend Rachel asked me if I sleep, and I do, but it’s not restful. I never sleep through the night and I wake up earlier than I have to, earlier than I want to.

Writing

I had a meeting with my supervisor on Monday. He found out about Moody Blue being published from one of my awesome classmates and offered to send an email to his colleagues. He’s been so wise and generous, and this last meeting was no different. My dissertation is basically done. My plan is to read it over one more time and check for any glaring errors and tweak any sentences that don’t sound right, but there’ll be no major additions or deletions, or any kind of rewrite. I agree with my supervisor; he said doing too much now will overwork the writing. I’ll format it and write a review and send it in. It’ll be a relief to cross this off the list of things to get done.

And then I’ll be able to devote myself to my novel fully. I volunteered for Student Government Association at work, and I’ll be teaching two classes I never taught before, but I have more confidence than I did that I’ll be able to create and stick to a writing schedule. Once I know what that looks like, I’ll post it here. And I’ll make sure these posts talk more about the writing and tips and tricks I’ve discovered along the way (and am still discovering).

Reading

I’ve just started Blacktop Wasteland by S.A. Crosby. I’m only about 20 pages in. It’s received rave reviews and I’m a sucker for a Southern noir. Stephen King tweeted, “I loved BLACKTOP WASTELAND, by S.A. Cosby. The epigram tells you all you need to know about this fast-paced, bareknuckle thriller: ‘Drive it like you stole it.'” I was reading a lot in Florida, and I need to continue that pace once I’m settled in New Jersey.

What I’m currently reading.Miracle Maddie

Maddie Girl’s been working SO hard and killing it in the fashion world. Don’t worry; there’s photographic evidence below. She had an absolutely amazing speech therapy session! She was tracking up and to the right consistently, turning her head toward sound, showing good tone in lips and tongue, and she even enjoyed some cantaloupe! And during another therapy session, she swallowed SEVEN times!

As I’ve been traveling and seeing friends and family I haven’t seen for a while, so many have commented on how far Maddie’s come and how good she looks. That’s possible because of their continued interest. My family and I are forever indebted to everyone who has prayed and shared her fundraisers and donated. Thank you so much and please continue walking with Maddie and her family because this road is
l o n g and difficult.

Killing it at therapy and slaying the outfit!

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