The Center of Time

Count Us Off

We make grand plans for ourselves and hope they work out. We fill our heads with hope – because what else should be there? – and sometimes it pays off. As a lifelong Kansan I’m often at odds with my state’s legislature but I’ve stayed here because to retreat to where there are more people like me doesn’t help the place I love. Some of us have to keep the powers that be as honest as possible in the hope that things can be changed. We took a step in the right direction the other night with the primary votes to keep the state constitution as is. I hope there are more positive steps coming.

Hi. I’m Jason and I write things that are, if not hopeful, at least forward-looking.

Organ of Record

I’m still working on revisions for Black Moon but I’m gathering ideas for other stories, too. Now that I have time that I didn’t have a year ago or four years ago, the creative juices are seeping back in. Over the holidays I made a list of items that were already in some state of readiness, even if it was just an idea to explore. Revisiting that list has been inspiring but I’m not going to share any of it because who knows what will bubble up to prominence? I don’t. I can’t explain in any way how things pop up to become interesting enough to pursue. It involves myriad components that will be different for everyone who reads this so open your mind and see what catches fire in your imagination.

That’s not to say that there won’t be things I work on when I’m stuck on something else. Distractions often lead me from one project to another because a bit of reading or research may not be appropriate for one piece though it could fit with another.

I will say that I’ve unearthed a couple of manuscripts I’d been unable to locate on backup disks and I’m grateful for that. These two pieces are high on my list to revisit and I’m glad I don’t have to try to recreate them from scratch and some pitiful notes I’ve managed to hold on to. What may be misunderstood, though, is that some people may think these old pieces are old enough that I should abandon them and only work on new things. These works are valuable enough to me that I’ve never forgotten the core ideas behind them, nor the overall plots. Each has already been through several revisions, and will likely go through several more. Each revision improves the work, even if it sometimes is dragged off-track and has to be reset in the next.

This is how I learn and improve. I believe in these stories enough that I keep going back to them to try and make them better. Not that the things I’ve published are any less in my mind, only that I haven’t hit on a satisfactory version of these that I want to let loose into the world. I’ve come close, and I think this time might be better yet because, after all, I’ve learned a LOT since the last time I opened them.

Some Kind of Nobility

I’m a fan of a lot of science fiction. I grew up with Star Trek, Star Wars, Six Million Dollar Man, the Lynda Carter Wonder Woman show, Super Friends and Doctor Who. Bill Bixby’s Incredible Hulk is something that’s almost always hanging out somewhere in the back of my mind. Tom Baker is my Doctor but I love the relaunch, too. While I’m not an expert on any of the above, I am a fan and even though it’s an unpopular opinion, I think Donna Noble is one of the best companions in the history of Doctor Who.

Put the torches and pitchforks down a minute. Maybe I can’t change your mind but it’s okay to have my own view, isn’t it? Sometime in the future we’ll discuss why I like Jodie Whitaker’s Thirteen as much as any of the others and more than a few. For now, though, let me tell you why I like Donna.

She’s brash and she has her opinions, too. She holds the Doctor accountable more than almost any other. She reaches him more than any other companion, too, with the exception of Sarah Jane who just grabbed his hearts and never, ever let go no matter how hard he tried. But Donna isn’t romantically interested in the Doctor (a nice change from the others) although she allows him to romance her the way he does Rose and Martha. (“All of Time and Space. Where do you want to go?”) Donna is in this for the adventure and she happens to like her companion so that makes it even more of a blast for her. She’s doing something that matters in her life and she likes it. A LOT.

And at the end of their time together, he does the only thing he can to save her because he does, indeed, deeply love her as much as Sarah Jane and likely more than Rose. That ending, when Wilf, Donna’s grandfather, says she was better with him – man, that kills me every time. Aren’t we all better with the love of our life? No other companion (at least that I can recall, I may be wrong) – well, yeah okay, Sarah Jane is the only other – especially in this series) has ever been portrayed in such a way. That’s the romance I’m here for. That’s the way love is supposed to go.

So you may dislike the character, that’s fine. But I think you’re really missing out if you don’t try to understand her a little more. If you’re writing her off because of some superficial characterization bits, maybe take a step back and see if, now that you’re older, you might identify with her attitude more. Regardless, I like her and I won’t argue with you about it. I’ll just leave you to your own opinion.

At Capacity

Having a vision, working toward a goal, is what we’re told to do when we’re young. “You can do anything you put your mind to” and stuff like that, right? Well, I set some goals five years ago and started on a path that should have culminated this last week. I’m really proud of the fact that I hit nearly every one of those goals except the last, big one: a promotion at the day job.

I was realistic about each goal as I went along, knowing that it was a possibility that I wouldn’t reach them. Surprising myself every time I did hit a goal, I allowed that the next one might be just as attainable. I had hope, and stress – LOTS of it – that went along with every step. There was lots of cheering and support from friends and colleagues and over the last year I was believing that I had a real shot at the promotion. As I went through the 6-week process I was up and down, alternately convinced I had it and just as sure I didn’t. Up until the last second before I was told “There’s no easy way to say this…” I felt pretty good.

It’s okay I didn’t make it. The gut punch was tough and I put a brave face on it. “I’m all right. No really. NO. REALLY.” But I wasn’t then. Spending the time to come to terms with my disappointment is important. Allowing myself to be hurt and angry is not just okay, it’s essential to being able to move on. So I shucked off the brave face and lived with these feelings the last couple of days. I’m better now, and open to figuring out what’s next. In my mind, I heard Alfred ask Bruce, “Why do we fall?” I’m not giving up.

Goals are there so we strive to better ourselves and improve our positions in life. Platitudes aside, I build up the muscle I need with each failure to keep climbing.

Thanks for reading. I’ll have more another time so I’ll see you when I see you.