THE ANNUAL SELF PORTRAIT

Happy August little kebobs.

Are you busy soaking up Summer? Tell me you’ve been eating fresh strawberries in your skivvies or floating downriver on a lazy canoe ride or digging your toes into wet sand? The Summer’s been a blur for me but as I write this, the weather is glorious and tonight we’re having a bonfire for fire pies (we always make pizza ones!). That’s Summer for me.

Other than that, I’ve been busy working in my studio - prepping and planning for some in-person markets this Holiday season, and working tirelessly on Henri & Miko, a beast of a series I’m knee deep in.
A couple months ago, a friend of mine asked if I ever just went up to my studio to paint for fun. The idea of a studio space is romantic to her (and it is to me too, when it’s not my own) and she assumed I’d have a sweet little ritual of carrying coffee up the steps and walking into my space and just painting whatever I wanted. While I count myself very lucky to have a room all my own, when I step into that space, I usually feel the pressure to produce or ‘work.’ The idea of letting myself just paint for the hell of it has been rattling around in my brain since, and last week that thought crashed into another one I’ve been having: I have to make a self-portrait for 2022.

The Annual Self Portrait

In 2020, I did a small self portrait and planned to make it an annual occurrence. 2021 rolled around. The world was wild still. We moved back to the states. I could go on with a million excuses but I didn’t do a self portrait and I regret that. It’s now half way through 2022 and my little project has been plaguing me, so last week, I decided it was time.

I set an old mirror on my drawing desk and leaned it against the window. I found a piece of paper that was cut and leftover from another project - some fabriano hot press. I drew in the lines with a warm colored pencil and painted the piece in traditional gouache - something I haven’t used in years. While 2020’s portrait centered around playfulness and stylizing (I can see the inspiration from Japan, where we were living at the time), for this self portrait, I just wanted to paint me. Myself in my world, with the wind turbines in the window and the blue walls of my studio, through the doors into my bedroom, the screen on the window, the art supplies on my drawing table, the fiddle plant I bought to remember recent life events. I wanted to paint with a medium I’ve long loved but am out of practice with (regular gouache) - not overthinking it, just putting paint on paper.

I can’t tell you how refreshing this painting was for me. Each time my doubtful inner critic voice came through my mind (she never shuts up!) my response to her was that I didn’t really care. Didn’t care if it looked like me. Or that it was half way between stylized and realistic. Or that the colors were dull or….and so on. I just kept painting and painting and painting, not wanting to stop. That’s a good feeling.

Below are some pics of the process and a couple of details too.

There’s something special about a self portrait. Indeed we feel it when we look at other artist’s representation of themselves, but to capture your own as an artist is an intimate personal process. You can capture emotions, details, or feelings that you might not be able to put into words or into work about another subject matter. I’m 100% convinced and determined to make this an annual practice. When I’m 80 (if I can be so lucky) I can look back and have over forty years of a visual record of me - by me.

Who wants to join?

If you raised your hand, I’d say it’s the simplest long-haul project if there ever was one. ONE a year? You can do that! Brownie points if you’re super young - please start now. Peanut butter brownies points if you’re not young at all but you still join because it’s never too late to do anything!

Self Portraits I love and you might too, should you need a little inspiration.

Smoking girl (Self-portrait, Rökande flicka), Tove Jansson, 1940

The lovely Tove Jansson - who did quite a few self portraits, though the sentiment goes farther still -
“Every still-life, every landscape, every canvas is a self-portrait!!”

Le Désespéré, (The Desperate Man) Gustave Courbet, 1843-1845

Gustave Courbet is 24 here! A fresh faced, handsome young thing.

Self Portrait in the costume of Pierrot, Zinaida Serebriakova, 1911

I found Zinaida Serebriakova in the book Seeing Ourselves, Women’s Self Portraits (see below post) and then came across this one online and I cannot get over the shapes in her face.

Ntozakhe II, Parktown, Zanele Muholi, 2016, Image via Art Basel

Such a stunning self portrait from Zanele Muholi. This one stopped me in my tracks, especially the framing of her face.

Paula Modersohn-Becker, Self-Portrait Nude with Amber Necklace, 1906, (Museen Böttcherstraße, Paula Modersohn-Becker Museum, Bremen)

Fascinating artist I just learned about - Paula Modersohn-Becker. I love this!

Helene Schjerfbeck: Self-Portrait with Black Background, 1915

Thanks to one of the artists at the Visual Journaling Retreat, Cecelie, I learned about Finnish painter Helene Schjerfbeck. AND this is the very painting on the cover of the Women’s Self Portrait book I’m posting below!

More to read if you’re interested in self-portraits:

Seeing Ourselves, Women’s Self Portraits by Frances Borzello. I cannot put this book down. Super fascinating read about the history of Women’s Self Portraits and how they’ve shifted from the 16th century to today.

Online Reads:

Looking Good Is Not the Point: What Artists Bare in Self-Portraits
These Famous Women Artists Changed the World With Their Self-Portraits

Do you have any favorites Self Portraits? Share in the comments - I’d love to see them! I’d also love to hear about your experience creating them if they’re a part of your practice. And of course - let me know if you plan to do an annual self portrait project of your own.

If you want to see more behind the scenes pics of the self-portrait, I’m sharing some this month on The Dessert Club Patreon. I also did a painting video this month demonstrating the difference between Acrylic and Regular Gouache. It’s a question I get asked often, and since I’m getting back into regular gouache after years of not using it, I thought it’d be interesting to work with them side by side.

Thanks so much for reading and being here each month. It means the world!
Enjoy the rest of August loves - I’ll see you next month with another picture book process post!

Until then - keep your toes in the sand and hold onto Summer as fiercely as you can. She goes by quick!

xo,
Becca