Dashes and Fragments and Splices, Oh My!

I wrote the bookAnd read and editedThen did it umpteen timesUntil I couldn't readEven one word more.Then off through cyberspace To my editor it wentAnd oh, what I learned then.Commas are necessaryFor any list serialOf puppies, cats, and parakeets.But when they go rogueAnd try to splice togetherTwo completely unrelated clausesThen you must banish them from your pageSo a noble period can step inAnd save your wayward paragraph.A dash isn't merely a high flying line.An en-dash is short to Make hyphenated words.But an em-dash is longAnd should be used most judiciously. Only when you're tryingTo create a little drama orExplain something extra special. I'm not C.S. Lewis Who used them liberallyOr J.R.R. Tolkien whoEschewed them as one should.Now if I think I need that Longer dashI'll back up and ponder longerTo remember colonsAnd semi-colonsNeed love too!While people don't alwaysSpeak in complete sentences,Authors almost always do.Can you parse the one you wroteAnd find the noun and verb?Or is it just some random wordsRioting across the page?And who knewI can be passive?In sentences,It isn't good.So step up!Grab the action By the verbsAnd just do it!Without reference To any specific Foot covering namesOr company trademarks.No one wants to be sued,Least of all me!Contrary to Emerson's opinion,Consistency is no hobgoblinBut absolutely criticalWhen you're decidingOne wordOr twoOr perhaps A hyphenated merger.Make a choiceAnd stick with itAll the way To the end's Happy Ever After.It's most importantTo know when your story Requires no added wordsWhen the hero steps no fartherDown the primrose pathYou simply stopAnd say nothing further. And never, never, neverChange the formatting.Save often and double checkTo be sure no evil header Sneaks in to causeYour editor great dismay.

I hope this little verse correctly shows the things I’ve learned (I just turned in my second pass of editing) and that my wonderfully patient editor’s job will be much easier on my NEXT BOOK!

Enjoy!