Random Friday

OK, another week is almost done, what can I say? I might be very self-centered this week, but even if I'm starting from my writing, I'm rambling about life at large. So, it's about CVE3 again (can you tell I'm having a blast at rewriting something that is 20+years old?) – I got to the part at the end when the warrior woman has to choose between two men and I remembered what happened back then.

I saw a shrink from 1996 to 2002. Four years single therapy, four years group therapy, with two years (1998-1999) of both. When I was still doing the single, I gave him some of my stories to read – a graphic novel (The Prince and The Adventurer, I'll reissue it sometime, but I need to scan and re-letter it) and CVE3, at the time known as Lost & Oliver from the names of the two main characters (I even have a L&O Another Version where they end up together, but I'm not going to publish that, LOL!).

At the time I was still the warrior woman, and he guessed who I was in that novel. And then he asked "Why did you choose X instead of Y?" (he was talking about the characters, no names to avoid spoilers, but he knew whom I identified with).

And I said "Why should I choose Y?"

"Because he's the most powerful, the one who could have protected you."

"That's what I don't like about him. I want him to be my equal, not superior. X is my equal, Y is not."

Might be why I'm still single and I'm not too fond of those mushy romances with women swooning at alpha males?

Anyway, I think he used the totally wrong therapy with me, because by the time I told him "I'll be back when I have news" I was so sick of couples that even in my head I thought I could live without virtual lovers.

I went to him because I couldn't understand the rest of the world. He understood it as "I'm unhappy because I don't have a man" or something like that. But when one can't interact with neither sexes, how can she find her significant other? And if you throw me into a group of abandoned lovers, how do you think I'll feel?

the Muse's latest portrait

Dejected and disgusted by that fairy tale of the happily ever after, of course. I already knew Prince Charming didn't exist, he just gave me the proof. So I stopped seeing him, and didn't bother fitting in anymore – why bother when nobody was trying to fit in with me?

Now I have a spiritual teacher, but it's not really improving my social interactions, I'm afraid. OK, I get less stressed and don't try to understand why anymore, but I still don't have much social interaction. I've been faithful to my virtual lover since 2001 (I call him my Muse, in case you were wondering…) while back in the 1990s – well that warrior woman had more than one man, because I liked them so much I needed to (virtually) try them all, LOL!

I'd rather stay in and write or draw than go out and socialize. "No life, no wife" so often repeated by Desi people (yeah, even the ones in Roma selling roses in the street! ) makes me want to tell them "Speak for yourself, man! I'm a woman, I can live without a husband!". I used to be so excited at weddings, now I snort or sigh and recycle the dress I wore at my brother's wedding – also because I've seen many of those marriages fall apart through the years.

So there you have it, the rant about being single and VHEMT (hadn't said that in a long time, LOL! Hema might remember I said it oh so long ago – haven't changed my mind in that department! ) you weren't expecting! Now this compulsive writer is going back to writing… addiction or not, I better feed it. Mr Writing will pay my next hairdresser trip, but not much more yet!