Does AA have something to teach the Grieving? -A Man’ Journey trough Grief, # 7
The other day, I found a parallel to what it is like going through grief in a very strange place. I was reading Louise Penny’s book, A Trick of Light, A Chief Inspector Gamache Novel. I came to a place that set me thinking. Gamache and his second in command, Beauvoir, were investigating a murder with a strange connection to Alcoholics Anonymous. They visited an AA meeting and Beauvoir took those attending as an indulgent bunch of misfits who couldn’t help anyone, let alone themselves. He said, “Seems pretty self-indulgent to me. And why would spilling their secrets stop them from drinking? Wouldn’t it be better to just forget instead of dredging all that stuff up?”
The Chief replied, “I think AA works because no one, no matter how well-meaning, understands what an experience is like except someone who’s been through the same thing.” (P. 186) Then he mentioned to Beauvoir a common and terrible experience they both had been through in their career. He realized that Beauvoir, in common with himself, was having real problems forgetting the trauma. He asked, “Do you want to talk about it?”
Beauvoir’s response is, “What good would it do?
Gamache responded, “I think we need to keep talking until it’s all out, until there’s no unfinished business.”
There is wisdom here. So my question about grief is; like Beauvoir would it help me best to just forget about Mary Helen’s home-going? Does it help to just pretend everything is okay? Cover up my feelings? Put on a strong, Christian, got-it-all-covered face? Or do those of us who have lost a loved one need to talk about it until it becomes commonplace for us to remember our loved one without cringing and terrible pain?
Is talking about her, part of the way to ease grief? And yet don’t people just get tired of us harping on this subject? Should there be a Christian Widowers Anonymous? Is that what GriefShare is? Do we prepare people in the church well enough for loss? It’s not enough to say, “Trust Jesus, your wife is in Heaven, God’s grace is sufficient.” That’s true but it doesn’t stop the tears. Do pastors and Christian counselors prepare people for grief? Personally, I can’t remember any training in this regard that I had. Of course, none of us can really be prepared for what is a very personal experience of loss. But there should be some general preparation to offer comfort and counsel to the bereaved. Just some musings to stimulate thought and spread understanding.
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