Outrageous Conversations: How to convert controversy into connection

Thank you to everyone who contributed to this article. Your thoughts, links, resources and ideas were invaluable in pulling this piece together. I've captured many of your musings in the output below, but you can find a summary of responses at the bottom.

Use the links below to work your way through, or read at your leisure.

Do we have an outrage culture?
Should leaders be engaging in controversy?
Why is it so hard to have these conversations?
What are the ingredients for productive conversations?
How can you tell if it's worth engaging?
What process should you follow to make progress?
Why should I have to?
Your thoughts and ideas


We live in outrageous times

Maya Angelou said that “Each time a woman stands up for herself, without knowing it -  possibly without claiming it, she stands up for all women.”

She’s right, of course. But man, I’m tired. The pressure of being an unelected and unskilled feminist representative makes it hard to do the job well. I don’t always describe issues properly. I sometimes get hurt and frustrated too quickly and instead of directing my annoyance at the patriarchy, I turn my resentment and disappointment inward or unleash it on others. It’s exhausting.

Feminist or not, there are a lot of things to be outraged about right now. Roe v Wade. War in Ukraine. Climate inaction. Child poverty. Economic uncertainty. Racial discrimination. Housing affordability. Income inequality. Political corruption. Gender discrimination. Insert cause here.

The potential for outrage is high right now. If you’ve logged into social media recently, you could be forgiven for thinking people are more outraged than ever.

Are we losing the capacity to come together on conflicting views and ideas?

Are we all just preaching to the converted, deriding the opposition and doing nothing to spread understanding?

Maybe.

But surely the answer isn’t to put the anger away – minimising struggle only makes it less visible. So, what do we do when we’re full of valid moral outrage?

How do we connect with people who think differently and have constructive dialogue without despairing at their ignorance or inadequacy, or demonising their views?

In this article, I'm going to unpick what's driving our outrage, how to show up with confidence and provide a step by step guide to tricky conversations.