Super Pooper (A Mostly True Story)

"DAD! Where's my Green Lantern mask?"

I sighed. "I don't know, I think you had it in my bedroom this morning. Did you look there?"

The noise of running feet echoed down hallways. Then silence.

"Did you find it?" I yelled from the kitchen.

"Yeah! Where's my Green Lantern ring?"

"I don't know, but if I were a betting man, I'd guess about three inches from where you found the mask."

A brief pause.

"Well?" I asked.

"Not this one, Daddy, the one that lights up."

"Check the bucket of superhero stuff."

There were more running feet, then rummaging noises.

"I got it!"

Another pause.

"Daddy, can I wear a Spider-Man shirt today?"

"Yep, I already laid it out for you on your bed."

"With Spidey undies?"

"If you want them, go ahead and get them out of your drawer."

More running feet and then a ridiculous amount of time passes along with the usual grunting and whispering that comes from my son getting dressed.

"DAD!"

"What NOW?"

"Where are my books about Thor, Captain America, and the Justice League?!?"

"Are you kidding me? Where did you last have them?"

"By my bookshelf!"

"Did you even look by your bookshelf?"

"No!"

Silence.

"Well, go look there." I bellow.

Remember, probably twenty minutes had passed and I had yet to actually see my son. This conversation had gone on entirely at the top of our lungs from different ends of the house. Finally, he appeared in the kitchen wearing his Spidey undies and t-shirt, a Green Lantern mask, a light up Green Lantern ring, and carrying three small books all with colorful superheros emblazoned across the covers.

"Daddy, look at me!"

"You look great, kid. What did you need all that stuff for, anyway?"

"I've gotta go poop!"

He raced away to the bathroom. A few minutes later, when I checked, he sat on the toilet, Spidey shirt hiked up, Spidey undies around his dangling ankles, wide eyes reading a Thor book through his Green Lantern mask, and a ring on his finger flashing intermittently with verdant light. I could only stare for a moment before he looked up.

"What?"

"You're just amazing to me, that's all."

He grinned widely. "Amazing like Spider-Man?"

"Yep." I turned to go, shaking my head. "You just call me when you're done if you need some help."

"Okay daddy!"