What to do When Feeling Unsteady.
Saturday 23rd of May 2020
I’ve been avoiding you. Can you tell?
Hi.
I’m at a point where I don’t know what’s a genuine feeling of pointlessness or just simple exhaustion. I think I know the answer, I hope I know the answer.
If it’s the latter that’s a problem, how do I break that cycle? Do I just have to know that it’s there, accept it and ride it out, hope that it will end? Maybe there’s an alternative.
I’ve been thinking that reason, purpose and meaning are the same thing. I’ve been feeling that something need to change in my life, but I have no idea what. Maybe I should try asking.
Hold on.
Okay. We have an oracle deck. Let’s ask.
“Reconnect with the earth, spend time in nature.”
“Try something you’ve never done before.”
“Share your true self with the world.”
Okay, sounds, good, reasonable, but vague enough so that I can question everything and end up doing nothing. Vague enough so that any question I ask can be answered the same way. Well, maybe not any.
So, how do I apply these answers, make them more practical?
Reconnecting with the earth: I can go for more walks in nature, grow more plants, eat more fresh veg.
Try something new: I’ve always wanted to try aerial yoga. Or maybe a self-defence class. Those seem more long term plans though, what can I do now? I’ll think about it, then forget and end up doing nothing.
Sharing my true self: I can share these journals, post them to some blog like a crazy person desperate for attention. I can be honest with people. I can speak to people. I can keep writing. I can actually use my Instagram account. But here’s a problem I have with Instagram, social media in general.
The other day I saw a post of a celebrity sat pretty much alone in a field, reading to her four year old son. She, or someone who works for her, wrote something like, ‘a perfect moment’. Here’s my actual problem with this. Did she set the camera up, then go back across the field, sit in the right position, hoping the camera got just the right angle, then start reading to her son? If so, that wasn’t a perfect moment, that was a staged moment, a performance. How many pictures did they have to take before they got the right one? She’s got a four year old, four year olds are nightmares.
Or, did she have someone follow her out there, on this magical alone time with her son, to specifically capture this ‘perfect moment’ If so, that’s also performance, it’s not real. But it’s the un-realness of reality that gets all the likes and hearts isn’t it? It’s the un-realness of reality that makes us feel so unsteady, inadequate and pointless. How do we reconcile that?
By being ourselves, I suppose. By being as honest as possible, and sharing that, not the fake.
