"And three weeks in, on a day when I smoked fourteen cigarettes, I realized that I could finally..."

"And three weeks in, on a day when I smoked fourteen cigarettes, I realized that I could finally enjoy one following sex. This was because I could finally enjoy a cigarette, period. It had ceased to become a chore or a challenge. I liked it. I liked smoking. Dopamine? I don't know. Didn't care. Just wanted a smoke. I practically jumped out of bed. My girlfriend and I wrapped ourselves in blankets and stood on her porch. The smoke filled my chest so that my body heated itself in a new way. We jabbered. Winter approached. "I always wonder," I said, taking a drag of my cigarette, "how many more winters do you get?" I sounded morbid and wistful. Pathetic. I coughed a little. But that's how it went with smoking. A cigarette amplified truth. If you were sad, you sounded sadder."

- Learning to Smoke