Ask General Kang: I just read a novel about a guy being turned into a monkey — is that possible?

I hate to carp on this point, but was he turned into a monkey or was he turned into an ape of some kind? I seriously doubt it's possible to turn a man into a monkey, unless you're talking about what happens every time you invest in unsecured debt, extended warranties or Mama Tjumi's hair tonic.

But if your hypothetical guy was turned into some kind of ape, he should consider himself very lucky.

When I was Supreme Ruler of the planet Neeknaw, I asked some of our best scientists to invent The...