The Year of the Derivative Title

Scene: Marketing room at a Major Publishing HouseA boardroom with five white middle to upper class people, discussing a title change in order to launch a bookRodney: Brainstorm guys!Lucinda 1: Thought shower Rodders, Thought shower.Lucinda 2: Yeah, Roddykins think of all those poor darlings with epilepsy or ADD or...ooh, shoes. (Lucinda 2 stares off into the distance.)Lucinda 3: I’ve got it...(Lucinda 3 stands and walks to the flip chart, grabs a permanent marker and writes, The Girl. She sits down clearly exhausted.) Phew...blood rush.All three Lucinda’s laugh and for some inexplicable reason Rodney turns red from the neck up. Piers: Is it enough?Lucinda 4 enters the room carrying a tray with a bottle of Bolly and six glasses: Have I missed anything?Rodney: Lovely Lulu has come up with a spiffing title for our new thriller but Piers is concerned.Piers: Is it enough? I mean with Gone Girl, Girl on a Train, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, The Girl Who Was Saturday NightRodney looks puzzledPiers: Not one of ours Rodo! Savage Girl, Wartime Girls, Girl Interrupted, the list goes onLucinda 2: What about?...(stares of into the distance once more)Lucinda 3: The Gone Girl On A Train With a Dragon Tattoo On A Saturday NightThe whole room turns to look at Lucinda 3, seriously contemplating her title ideaPiers: But what’s it about?The 4 Lucinda’s respond “Who cares, who has read the bloody thing anyway” and cacklePiers: shrugs and sweeps his foppish hair back from his eyes: Open the bloody champers, time to celebrate!Rodney: We’ll print a million, chuck a few hundred grand at it and see what happens eh? Tube posters everywhere, lots of bus advertising and let’s give away 40,000 to generate word of mouth buzz. The buyers will love it!Lucinda 4: It always seems to work Rodder’s!