D/s Dynamics while Grieving

My husband Wrex and I recently lost a beloved fur friend. One that has been with us for our entire relationship. And half of my life. It was a big loss. We’ve been grieving and during this time the punishment aspect of our dynamic has paused. But D/s hasn’t.

I asked Wrex if he preferred to pause our whole dynamic for a while, and his answer wasn’t really what I expected. I expected him to say no, and to explain that he knew how much I needed it.

But what he said was: “No, I need it right now.”

He needed to take care of me, he said. And normally, I would have felt selfish and fought it, instead trying to take care of him. But I realized that letting him take care of me, letting him bring me water and vitamins, listening to him when he tells me to exercise or eat… That was taking care of him, too.

I understood that because during the final days with my sweet girl, I needed to be the one to take care of her. I needed to be there for her; bathe her, spoon feed her, and help her walk. I was falling apart inside but she needed me, so I stayed together. She held me together.

The difference is, I’m capable of taking care of myself. But giving him the power to care for me in even the most simple ways, and accepting that support without resistance, has brought us both peace during our grieving.

I think that even without D/s, we would have handled our grief in a similar way. But D/s has given us both structure during a time where our daily routine is being rewritten. And I’m thankful for that structure.

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