Are you in there Ivan?

When my former and much loved partner Ivan got sick, it happened very, very quickly.  There were small signs for weeks that we missed- but that's understandable and no one had ever even heard of bipolar disorder.  We knew something was wrong on the day of his birthday party. He looked different- his eyes were wide and his face was very illuminated. He talked constantly and had very strong opinions on things he had never found interesting in the past. He told me how to parallel park my car and he didn't drive!

We laughed because it was all so crazy. What was he doing? He's a fun and interesting guy, but all of this talking and disagreeing and telling us his genius ideas. When it became bizarre, we knew something was wrong.

That was the first night of an eight month journey of hospital stays, court visits, medication side effects, relationship fears and unbelievable stress. 

When my coaching clients ask me how I understand them so well, I can always say: I have been there!

One day I was in the back yard with Ivan. It was so sunny and we were sitting by a little pond my brother had built for fish. Ivan was in between hospitalizations, but it still wasn't him sitting there.  I was so naive.  He couldn't really have a conversation he was so manic and psychotic. I remember looking at his face and thinking-

Where are you Ivan? Are you in there? Where have you gone? Will you ever come back?

It  makes you wonder about the essence and soul of a person if an illness can so completely take over their mind.

This story has a very good ending.  Ivan recovered from this episode and never had a psychotic/manic episode again. That is him on the beach in Cannes, France.

If you love someone with this illness, it can get better. It usually does. Ivan is proof!

Julie

PS: Ivan and I are still good friends. He is now living in France working in a job he loves.  He lives with bipolar disorder of course.  It's still there.  Reality is reality!

Related posts:
Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder: Understanding and Helping Your Partner