hi, you seem to know about parenting, so i just wanted to ask a question- I want to have a kid, but really do NOT want to have any sort of romantic or sexual relationship with someone. i also want to raise the kiddo on my own (no other parent in the pictur

Hi, anon! OK, just to keep things orderly, let’s go through this item-by-item.

Yes, I do know about parenting because I am a parent. I even wrote a book about it (

Also, keep in mind all of us parents are just making it up as we go. People sometimes compare it to jumping off a building and trying to construct a set of wings as you fall. That fits as long as, in that metaphor, you subtract any materials with which to build said wings. You’re just falling. All of the time.

Now, you certainly can have a little ankle-biter on your own. I don’t know what sex you are, but you likely know the greatest hits of how to make that happen: adoption, in vitro fertilization (aka IVF), using a surrogate, kidnapping (not recommended). But, yes, solo parenting is a thing people do and a great many of them kick ass at it.

As for the “broken” stuff, if you’re not already, you should start seeking therapy to help you address these issues because a baby (or a child of any age, really) will totally magnify and intensify these… well, the baby doesn’t do it, but the stress of raising a baby does. Yeah, it’s that “building wings with no materials” thing I mentioned. Caring for a child is quite simply one of the most stressful experiences anyone can go through, right up there with military boot camp and the year 2020.

Your mental health is valid and important. And there’s no shame or stigma in seeking professional help to deal with anxiety or depression or PTSD. I learned therapy didn’t “fix” me, but it gave me the tools to work on my issues.

Of course, you probably already know the answer to your final question, so I won’t tell you whether or not you should have a kid, but I will tell you that you absolutely can. Yes, parenting is daunting, but it’s also rewarding and magical and life-affirming and exciting and hilarious.

Personally, I can say, despite all of the gross fluids and sleepless nights, I wouldn’t change a thing. Raising my boys made me a better human.

I hope this helps. And please feel free to reach out if you have any other questions or just want to vent, whether to me or any of the many wonderful people in the Tumblr parenting community. We’re good listeners and we usually have snacks.