The Downsides of Being an Over-Achiever

I have always given everything I have to my education, my writing, my job, and my other hobbies. And while this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it’s also simply not sustainable. I read a book about four years ago called The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck, and it’s entire premise revolves around how people tend to overwork themselves too much because they give too many fucks. The book had flaws (specifically the written-by-a-cishet-white-dude kind), but the overall premise was worthwhile and helped me accept that I don’t have to give 100% to everything all of the time. It’s okay to reserve my fucks for the things that really matter.

My education has always been one of those things that matters. I graduated with my A.S. with a 3.8 GPA. I graduated my B.A. with a 3.7 GPA. I graduated my M.F.A. with a 4.0 GPA. And while I am enormously proud of everything I’ve worked for and accomplished, I also have reached a point where I simply cannot maintain that level of output, especially being in this new job that I love, but which requires a huge amount of my attention and energy. And even though my career plans have changed, I still want to pursue this M.A. in Literature. It may not be relevant to my career now, but it is relevant to my personal development and interests.

But that doesn’t mean I need to get straight A’s like I’ve tried to do since undergrad.

This second masters degree isn’t for any career path, and I doubt at this point that I will end up pursuing a PhD. I’m in this second masters program for my own enjoyment, my own edification, and my own interests. I’m taking the classes I want to take. I’m shaping this program into exactly what I want it to be. And while I am giving it my enthusiasm and dedication, I am also giving myself permission to not get all A’s. As hard as that is for me, I’m doing this so that I can reserve my energy for the things I need it for most. I’m still dedicated to my classes. I’m still doing the work, but I’m choosing to be okay if I get a B or a C in a class.

I love that I’m an over-achiever, but I don’t like that I have a tendency to wear myself out by prioritizing too many things at once. So over the next month until summer semester starts, I’m going to simply rest, relax, read, and enjoy the beautiful moments in each day. Because poetry is more than words on a page, it’s also taking the time to notice the beautiful things. And if I need to slow down to see those moments and appreciate them, then so be it.

I’m sending out love and light today.