Two Questions
Two Questions: How do I intend to be in relationship with Self, and How do I intend to be in relationship with Others?
- W. Sagen Smith
Years ago a friend, living a life marked by both chaos and depression, pivoted toward more positive and productive living. He credited a conversation where he was asked, and answered honestly, two very simple questions: How do I intend to be in relationship with self? How do I intend to be in relationship with others? The power in these questions is not predicated on a particular answer.
I thought these two questions, commonly used in clinical psychology to explore personal satisfaction, were engaging on several levels. They ask the question Am I happy with how I treat and think about myself, and Am I engaging with the world in the way I feel is best? The inference is that the tone and core attitude in how we engage with ourselves and the world is within our control. Not a given, but a choice. A revolutionary thought for anyone for whom life feels reactive, rigid, or predestined to circular outcomes.
I decided to ask myself these same questions. I thought about the first question for quite awhile. In relationship to self I wish to be accepting and uncritical of my own needs, open and curious, trusting of my intuition, intentional, strong enough to make right choices, and always honest. I was surprised by the fit and simplicity of my feelings. Especially the first part - to be accepting and uncritical. We often come down on ourselves before the world even has a chance to respond. The second question - How do I wish to be in relationship to others? - seemed more straightforward. Accepting and uncritical to others as well as self seemed right, supportive not judgmental, approachable, trustworthy, loyal in heart and deed. I was surprised by the degree I value the honest quality of loyalty. It is the core of relationship for me, but also of simple honorable commerce between strangers. As my grandfather used to assert, one's word should be as good as a handshake.
Defining what I thought others would appreciate from me and defining what makes for good relationship, I realized we must become the relationship we seek. What we need from others is essentially what we need from ourselves. Beginning with examining the self opens the boundaries of sacred values to others. As my friend discovered, intention sets the tone of life we lead.
- W. Sagen Smith
Years ago a friend, living a life marked by both chaos and depression, pivoted toward more positive and productive living. He credited a conversation where he was asked, and answered honestly, two very simple questions: How do I intend to be in relationship with self? How do I intend to be in relationship with others? The power in these questions is not predicated on a particular answer.
I thought these two questions, commonly used in clinical psychology to explore personal satisfaction, were engaging on several levels. They ask the question Am I happy with how I treat and think about myself, and Am I engaging with the world in the way I feel is best? The inference is that the tone and core attitude in how we engage with ourselves and the world is within our control. Not a given, but a choice. A revolutionary thought for anyone for whom life feels reactive, rigid, or predestined to circular outcomes.
I decided to ask myself these same questions. I thought about the first question for quite awhile. In relationship to self I wish to be accepting and uncritical of my own needs, open and curious, trusting of my intuition, intentional, strong enough to make right choices, and always honest. I was surprised by the fit and simplicity of my feelings. Especially the first part - to be accepting and uncritical. We often come down on ourselves before the world even has a chance to respond. The second question - How do I wish to be in relationship to others? - seemed more straightforward. Accepting and uncritical to others as well as self seemed right, supportive not judgmental, approachable, trustworthy, loyal in heart and deed. I was surprised by the degree I value the honest quality of loyalty. It is the core of relationship for me, but also of simple honorable commerce between strangers. As my grandfather used to assert, one's word should be as good as a handshake.
Defining what I thought others would appreciate from me and defining what makes for good relationship, I realized we must become the relationship we seek. What we need from others is essentially what we need from ourselves. Beginning with examining the self opens the boundaries of sacred values to others. As my friend discovered, intention sets the tone of life we lead.
No comments have been added yet.
